Queen of Earth Page #4

not overtly, or in an annoying way.

Anyways, I agreed to meet him, after work.

Late one night. It was December.

It was, like, 20 degrees out, and...

I was standing outside.

I had that white knit cap on

that I used to wear all the time.

And he came out and he just looked...

exactly the same, and...

He said that I looked the same too,

but that can't be true

because I had really short blond hair,

at the time.

And, um...

We went to a bar

and we had a few drinks

and he told me about how...

Of course, his relationship

inevitably ended, as...

it was meant to, and...

And he just couldn't stop

thinking about me, and...

Before I even knew it,

I was forgiving him.

For... two years of resentment.

For not choosing me, I was forgiving him.

And...

his apartment was nearby, so...

we were walking there and I...

asked if I could use the bathroom,

which I know sounds like

a really cheap move,

but I really did have to go, and...

I really did think I was just gonna

go in there and then leave, and...

But then it was really warm inside

and so cold outside,

and so we just, like...

ended up talking, and...

and then kissing, and, you know...

We just fell asleep for a while, and...

So, we were together, then,

through the holidays, and...

he came to my house

and I met his parents, and...

it was going really well, and...

It just felt like we were finally getting

what we didn't get in the first place.

You know? And...

Something that was so real and...

It felt so important.

Then a few more months passed and...

Um... he started to get distant again, and...

I was planning weekend trips and...

introducing him to my friends and just trying

to really integrate him into my life.

Then I realised... you know,

two or three days were passing,

where I wasn't hearing from him.

And it hit me that he was...

doing it again.

He was just...

He was doing the exact same thing

that he did before, and...

And I was too stupid to realise it,

before it was too late.

And I knew that my problem...

this problem that I have,

this issue that just keeps

landing me in the same place...

Almost three years later, here I was,

in the exact same place.

Was because I was...

more impressed with this note,

with this handwritten note,

than I was with his...

supposed changes in personality.

You know? I saw this...

this effort, this...

This textile representation of his feelings,

and I...

I thought it was something real

when it wasn't.

It was just trite and clichd and fatuous.

But, I mean, it was real.

It was this real piece of paper...

which, I'm ashamed to admit,

I carried around, like, three apartments,

after that.

But it wasn't real, it...

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