Project X Page #3

...I think, like, a DJ.

- A DJ. Super chill.

- Ha.

Guess what Mama Kub

and Papa Kub got for...

- Baby Kub?

... Baby Kub for his birthday.

- What?

- The Kub Mobile.

- They gave you the minivan?

- For my birthday, yes.

Your parents give the worst gifts ever.

- Where's your present?

- You serious?

You haven't gotten me a present

in 10 years.

So?

But since I am a better friend than you,

I did get you something.

- Oh.

- I'll bring it tonight. Hey, I have to go run.

- Happy birthday, loser.

- Ow.

- Don't trip.

- Ow!

Oh, sh*t!

I'm okay! Heh.

Thomas, suck my cock.

What?

- "Mama Kub and Papa Kub"? Jesus.

- Yeah, those are my parents, a**hole.

Damn, she's so f***ing hot, dude.

- Think she'll come tonight?

- I'm not inviting her. You do this one.

Alexis won't come.

She fucks college dudes.

"Lamel"? What? I don't know any Lamel.

No, he's cool.

Guys, the last thing I want in my house

is a bunch of randoms.

Wrong. Last thing you want

is nobody at your f***ing house.

The more word gets around, the more likely

these chicks will show up at our party.

Watch and learn how

Captain Big Dick does it.

Hey, girls. Just remember,

wear something tight.

What's up, sisters?

Thomas Kub's house, 8:00.

Come get a piece of this white chocolate.

Are you gonna be going to

Thomas's birthday party tonight?

- Thomas? Who's that?

- Who's Thomas?

That thing that dick in

the sweater vest was telling us about?

What's up, baby? Eight o'clock.

What are your expectations

for the party?

Get high, f*** b*tches, you already know.

- I think we'll come. Can we bring people?

- Can I bring people?

Thomas Kub's house, 8:00.

Oh, sh*t!

Ahh!

What we are witnessing is truly

a breathtaking moment...

...in the life of young Thomas.

The helpless fetus is growing

a tiny, tiny penis...

...a penis he may someday insert

into this female's vagina...

...should he survive his first encounter

without her eating him.

Paper towels. Get long.

- Don't!

- Dude, get a ton.

Oh, sh*t. Extra-large condoms.

I'm not paying for that sh*t.

Attention, valued shoppers.

Oh, my God.

Join us for an evening of balls-deep

entertainment at Thomas Kub's house.

Dude, stop.

Hey, little buddy.

Want something to drink? Hey.

He's gonna catch him

and he's gonna get his ass kicked.

You guys, we good on OJ?

Sunny D, dude.

Grab it. Throw it in. I love...

How are we doing on eggs?

Holy sh*t, dude. It's Miles Teller.

- Dude, it is. That's him. Holy sh*t.

- He's so badass.

Yeah, my boy's starting

at second base for USC.

He got sent to detention once

and banged the teacher.

Mi-Tell, what's cracking, bro?

- We go to North Pass.

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