Project X

What up, my lovely females! This is

your boy, Costa, your host for the evening.

Behind me is Thomas Kub's house.

Today is Thomas Kub's birthday.

And this is Project X, yo.

Hey, we want some p*ssy

Hey, we want some p*ssy

Birthday cake. Mm.

- Dax, my dick is gonna get so wet tonight.

- Excuse me.

Sh*t. Um, Mrs. Kub,

I thought you guys left already.

- So, what's getting wet tonight?

- Uh...

Nothing. I'm sorry about that, Mrs. Kub.

- Who's your friend?

- Don't worry about him.

We're shooting this birthday movie

for Thomas.

Like this day-in-the-life type thing.

No big deal.

He's still in the shower.

See you later.

F*** me, that was close.

Dax.

Happy birthday, motherf***er!

Whoa, sh*t! What the f***, dude?

- What the f***?

- I'm jerking off to your mom.

So, dude, it's your last day

of being a loser. How does it feel?

You're such a dick, Costa.

Sh*t never gets old.

Wait for another day

What's up, Dax?

How'd they rope you into this?

He's one of J.B.'s guys from Gay-V Club.

He's a f***ing weirdo, I know,

but he's a solid shooter.

And he's gonna make us look pimp,

and you f***ing better.

Thomas, get down here!

Oh, sh*t. Let's go.

You said your parents would be gone by 7.

I don't wanna go talk to your f***ing dad.

No food in the living room. Your mother

will kill me and I'll have to kill you.

- Here's 40 bucks for pizza, okay?

- Oh, cool.

You guys can have that.

Knock yourself out.

Back door or turn the alarm system off.

And look, Thomas, I'm not an idiot.

I know you're gonna have friends over.

- Dad, what do you think is gonna happen?

- Mr. Kub, honestly, we have no...

Mm-mm. I'm sorry. Who are you?

This is Dax.

What is this?

He's shooting a movie

for my birthday, you know, a little present.

Didn't know you had Goth friends.

He's just a friend from school.

Four or five friends, tops.

I'm just asking that you please

respect my house, okay?

All right, fine.

So leave the gate open for the gardener.

And I know I don't need to tell you,

but my car is off limits.

- Yeah, Dad, I know.

- Good. Okay.

The pool heater, don't touch it.

And also, guys,

do not go in my office, right?

I have three projects I'm working on.

I don't want anybody in there, clear?

- Get out, out, out.

- Dad...

Nothing goes in here, right?

Where's your mom?

I'm gonna get the bags.

What's going on? What's the matter?

- I'm just worried.

- About what?

I don't know.

Thomas, leaving him alone all weekend.

Oh, please, stop it. Come on, honey.

He's 17 years old.

That's what I'm worried about.

Let's be realistic here, okay?

This is Thomas we're talking about.

He's not exactly Mr. Popular.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- I'm just saying that he's not that type of kid.

He's got a couple of friends. They're gonna

hang out, but they're not gonna do anything.

He's a sweet kid, but...

...he's a loser.

Happy birthday to you

- Happy birthday, Thomas.

- Whoo! Yay!

All right, honey, car is here.

- Boys, gotta get to school.

- Cool.

Hold on. We gotta give Thomas

his birthday present.

How cool is it that Thomas

was born on your anniversary?

What a great anniversary gift, a baby.

Happy birthday, sweetie.

Ahh.

- Mom's minivan? Nice.

- Yeah.

It's just for school and back.

That's it, right?

- Yes. Thank you so much.

- Cool, right? You have a car now.

I know.

- Okay.

And, Milo, you take good care of Thomas,

okay? Momma's gonna miss you.

- Okay, bye.

- All right, see you guys.

Every one of my phone calls

gets answered, right?

- Yeah, I know.

- Every one. Okay.

- All right, have fun.

- Bye.

Happy anniversary.

Get off me, you little f*ggot dog.

- Yeah!

- It's on, motherfuckers!

- Whoo!

- Dude, chill out. Goddamn.

It was really cool of your mom and dad

to clean it out and wash it for you.

It's a free car.

I'm not about to complain about a free car.

It's not even a car. It's a f***ing minivan.

We can't even roll in this.

Dude, too bad your dad didn't give you

the Benz. That'd have been sick.

You know what, you're right, Costa.

Let's just take your car.

- Oh, you don't have one.

- Good f***ing joke, good f***ing joke.

So, dog, you ready for tonight?

I actually wanna talk to you

about that, you know, before we jump into it.

I knew it. You're bitching out.

What?

What? Dude, I'm not bitching out.

Thomas is bitching out

like the little b*tch that he is.

- F*** you.

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, sh*t.

- We need this party. You need this party.

I'm just nervous.

What if nobody shows up? What if it sucks?

That's not an option.

People will show up.

Look at J.B. He's like a little fat

Rain Man, texting away.

Dude, stop.

You're telling me he doesn't need this?

Holy sh*t, dude. Your parents gave

you the minivan? That's awesome!

- Yeah.

- Hey, Costa. Hey, Dax.

That isn't happening. That's not real.

Uh, excuse me...

Sorry.

Hey, can I get to my locker right there?

Dude, why are you staring at my dick?

I wasn't. My locker's there.

Can I get to it?

- Whatever, you f***ing weirdo.

- Dude, just let it go. Just come on.

- Hey, that's a sweet minivan, soccer mom.

- See? See what I told you?

Is it true what I heard about you

at Zam's party?

You got a blowj*b from his mom?

That party was so sick.

Everyone got laid.

Wheelchair Robert even got a handjob.

- Nice.

- Are you kidding me?

Why the f*** weren't we

at that party, man?

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