Pitching Tents Page #2

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bush,

and there's nothing more

humiliating

than your mother dabbing

Colamine lotion

onto your grapefruit sized

testicles.

Yeah, I can laugh about it now.

I mean, you guys actually

thought that was real?

It's an urban myth.

You wanna see titties you go

to the oasis on route eight.

Pretend you don't know me.

Seriously Dan, what are

your plans after graduation?

With my friends this summer,

and then look for a job.

What if I get you into college?

College?

I mean, I didn't apply to any.

Doesn't matter.

I got a friend over at slippery

rock

who would love to meet with you

on Monday.

Yeah, I don't think

college is really my thing.

Danny, college is awesome.

It was the best six years of my

life.

I thought I was Henry

Miller for Christ's sake.

I'd sit around naked, smoking in

my dorm,

dreaming about banging Anais

nin.

She was an author, Cuban and

French,

kinda like a cigar made our of

ham.

Doesn't matter, she's dead now.

Point is, she was f***ing hot.

That's real great.

Yeah, it's 1984 Danny.

You're gonna need a college

education

to get any kind of a real job.

Alright, I mean, what

would I even major in?

Who gives a sh*t.

It's a chance to get out of this

town,

and do something with your life.

Here, give this to your parents.

I'm sure they'll agree with me.

They can call me any time of day

or night

with any questions they have.

You're a bright kid.

It's time for you to start

dreaming.

Ah, Bonjour Daniel.

Bonjour mom.

Honey, can we stop with the

French,

we're German and Irish

for crying out loud.

I'm just practicing.

Next year is our 25th

anniversary,

and you promised to take me to

Paris,

since we had to skip our

honeymoon.

Yeah well, that was Pete's

fault.

You were very worth it honey.

Okay, asseyez-vous, you're

dad needs to get to work.

Oh yeah, why is he going to

work now?

They need some extra help at

the plant.

Honey, dinner.

Where you Daniel?

Making out with your gay

friends?

Like some kind of a loser

boomerang?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what

happened to sloppy Joe night?

It's coq-au-vin.

It's chicken with onions and

mushrooms, in a wine sauce.

Now, why are you so late Daniel?

Mr. mulligan, my guidance

counselor,

wanted to meet with me.

He says he can get me into

slippery rock.

He, uh, wants me to meet up

with some guy from there on

Monday.

Mr. mulligan thinks I need

to go to college to get a job.

Yeah, I know, it's just he

thinks that it's, you know...

nah, nah, you know, college,

it's a waste of four years,

so, you know what, tell him

he can stop filling your head

with those crazy thoughts.

Bruce, I think that

now is the time for you

to tell Danny your news.

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