Pitching Tents

Synopsis: A mysterious goddess, a vulgar guidance counselor and a no-nonsense father all want to help Danny figure out his future while he sneaks off to the woods with his buddies for a weekend of girls, beer and THE party of 1984.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Jacob Cooney
Production: Meritage Pictures
90 min

Friday night

I just got back

I had my eyes shut

was dreaming 'bout the past

I thought about you

while the radio played

should of got movin'

some reason I stayed

I started drifting to a

different place

I realized

I was falling of the face of

your world

and there was nothing

left to bring me back

I'm a million miles away

a million miles away

I'm just a million miles away

and there's nothing left

to bring me back today

took a ride

went downtown

the streets were empty

there was no one around

to the place that we used to


in all the places we used to go.

Whoa, that's good!

You have outdone yourself.

That is a freakin' masterpiece.


Hey Tony,

if you're selling beef,

why did you want a dairy cow?

'Cause tits sell.

Here, here's your pay.

I gave you an extra ten.

Have a great time at trout camp.

Now gimme a little more yellow

in that hat though, huh?

You got it.

Alright, have a good night.

Goodnight Michelangelo!

And there's nothing

to bring me back today

bring me back today

bring me back today

a million miles away

to bring me back today

bring me back today

bring me back to day.

Happy Thursday

to you, let's brighten up

the day with a big smile.

Today for lunch, we're having

Salisbury steak, sweet corn...

out of my way dork!

Oh, what are you going to do?

I saw that Van Dexter, you

little prick.

Your ass is grass.

Your welcome Tim, don't

let it get you down.

I was bullied when I was your



I've had hair like this

since I was 11 years old.

The older boys used to

paint nipples on my head

and make me dress like a girl.

But you have a bright

future ahead of you son.

That little turd will be lucky

if he can get a job scraping

chewing gum

off the floor of an adult


But if there's one thing

I've learned in life,

and you pay close attention,

avoid home room like the plague.

Look I know why I'm here, okay,

she deserved to be called

a castrating b*tch.

Sometimes these freshman girls,


Warren, that's not why you're


Unfortunately, with the budget


there's a chance they may need

to let go

of a guidance counselor next


I'm sure Janet will land on

her feet.

I'm not talking about Janet.

I'm not following.

Warren, you may lose your job.


But I've been here longer.

It's not about seniority


The school board is taking a

closer look at job performance.

Part of their evaluation

is based on percentages

of kids that you helped to

get into college this year.

Oh, I am absolutely kicking

ass there.

Well, your numbers have fallen.

With just a few weeks

left in the school year,

Janet is up by one student.

That's impossible, Janet stinks.

That instead of college,

Brian young has decided

to go out to defend our country.

That selfish little prick.

And there's Tommy

brewer, and Vicky Collins.

I got them into Pitt.

They're going to be in

a hospital for a year,

and I have to suffer?

Come on!

It's not me.

It's the numbers.

Well tom, this is my school.

These are my kids.

I mean there has to be something

I can do?

Warren, it's fourth and long,

and you're down by six,

with one minute left.

You have to be Terry Bradshaw,

and throw a hail Mary into the

end zone.

You f***er!

All my hard work to get

you into slippery rock,

and you pull this sh*t

right before school's out.

I hope you know your goddamn

stunt's gonna have me

living in my car and eating cat


After praying with my

parents and my pastor,

I decided it's best if I join

the army.

"I was praying with my parents"

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Rob A. Fox

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Pitching Tents" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 24 Sep. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/pitching_tents_15936>.

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