Pineapple Express Page #4

grandchildren are gonna be smoking.

Future. The future.

That's amazing.

Well, got the weed?

- Yeah.

- In the bag. Beautiful. Okay.

Be careful with that thing, man.

Here's the cash, grab the stash.

Alrighty, man, thanks.

Have a good one.

Don't hurt yourself. Adios.

Well, hey, wait a minute, man.

Let's smoke this f***ing thing.

I really... I can't, man. I gotta...

I can't even light this thing

on my own.

I need your help, man.

- I'm in.

- Come on!

- Why not? Let's do it.

- Come on down!

Why not? What do I do?

Okay, here's what you do.

- You equip yourself.

- I'm equipping.

- Equip me, sir.

- Okay.

You are going to light these two ends

while I light this end.

- Okay.

- Are you ready?

- Ready.

- Blast off.

- I'm gonna do it.

- Good. Go for it.

It's better to cough.

It's like...

Makes you 1 0 times more higher...

...than the cross weed

and the Pineapple Express.

You're like,

totally f***ing Gong Show'ed, man.

Oh, f***.

Hang on one second, man.

Oh, you f***er.

Who is it?

It's Chris Gebert, man. Let me up.

Sh*t.

What's a Gebert?

Come on up.

He ain't getting any

of that Pineapple Express.

Chris is getting Snicklefritz.

Hey.

So listen, man.

I gotta ask you. So...

Listen, man. You've been buying

from me for, like, two months, right?

- Two months.

- I gotta ask, man.

What's up with the suit?

I'm a process server.

So I have to wear a suit.

Wow, you're a servant?

Like a butler?

- A chauffeur?

- No. No. What? No, I'm not...

- Shine shoes?

- I'm a process server.

- I like...

- In process.

I work for a company

that's, like, hired...

...by lawyers to hand out

legal documents.

Like subpoenas to people

who don't want them.

I gotta wear disguises sometimes just to

make them admit they're themselves...

...so I can serve them the papers.

Disguise.

Kind of, I guess.

- It's a hell of a job.

- That's cool, man.

Like a day-to-day basis, it's fine.

Like today, I, like, sat in my car...

...I smoked, like, 1 0 doobies...

...and then I went to go visit

my girlfriend at lunch.

Nice.

What? You sucked on her titties?

No, I just kissed her.

I just did that to make it seem cool.

That's cool.

Does she like to smoke weed?

A little sometimes.

She has a couple...

She's in high school,

so as much as any high-school kid.

She's cool as hell, actually.

- You'd get along with her.

- Really?

Yeah, you know, it only sucks...

...when I go visit her in high school

and the guys she goes to school with...

...are strong and handsome

and really funny.

Like, do good impressions

of Jeff Goldblum and sh*t like that.

And, like, I just feel like a fat, dumb,

f***ing stinky ass-turd when I'm there.

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