Personal Services Page #4

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Pardon?

- You told me.

- No, with my wife.

I've not had sex with my wife for 23 years.

Oh.

She's an invalid.

I'm sorry. 23 years.

That must get very frustrating for you.

Your maid said you give excellent French?

Oh, yes, very good. Every time.

Just exactly how do you like your French?

Well, I'd like you to wear

bright red lipstick, if you can.

- Really?

- I'm willing to pay extra for that.

Right. Ah, oh, no.

Er, just a minute.

Dolly.

Dolly, we've got no doodahs.

No, you know, contraventives.

- Contraventives?

- Yes, you know...

- Doodahs.

- Oh, French letters.

That's it. Plonkers.

We've got no plonkers, Dolly.

I look a right bloody tart in this.

Here you are. Get a move on.

- These are black. Dolly, these are black.

- I know.

They're for black men.

- No, Chinamen use them all the time.

- Do they?

Bloody Ada!

He's a lovely man.

Brings happiness to millions with double glazing.

He's not had sex for 23 years.

Right.

- Do you think this looks nice?

- Oh, yes.

I prefer it in a chair, if you don't mind.

In a chair?

Yes.

I've never done it in a chair.

- Now, where would you like me, exactly?

- Well...

with me myself sitting, and you kneeling.

You want me to sit?

No, I'm sitting.

- Where am I?

- Kneeling.

- Kneeling?

- Yes, I'm sitting and you're kneeling.

On the floor.

- On the floor?

- I find that's the best way.

- I see. You'll have to wear one of these.

- What, for French?

Do you think I want to get pregnant?

- How can you get pregnant?

- Very easily indeed.

- That's not what I want.

- I should think not. What do you want?

A blow job.

Please.

Deep throat.

If possible.

Oh.

That's why I wanted the lipstick.

Well, you'll still have to wear one of these.

Very well.

Do you see what I'm wearing?

You like that, don't you?

- Yes, I do.

- Do you like my legs?

Yes.

- Do you?

- Yes, I do.

Come here. Come a bit closer.

Now, I want you to kneel, there's a good boy,

but not to touch my lovely legs.

- They're lovely.

- Yes.

Very smooth.

- Just here, above the stocking.

- Yes.

Very smooth.

There, look. Get closer.

But not to touch.

Now, I'm going to give you

something very special.

Very special indeed.

It's called a Popozogolou.

- Thank you, dear.

- Thank you.

Oh.

She's nice.

- She's very nice indeed.

- Good.

- One here, another on the way, dear.

- Bloody Ada! Hang on.

- Stinks like a bleeding brothel in here.

- You all right?

Like a concert pianist.

We're going to need lots of tissues.

She's not quite ready, dear.

I'm ready. Come in. Sit down. Lie down.

Make yourself comfortable. Thank you, Dolly.

- You're busy.

- Never a dull moment.

- What's on offer?

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