Personal Services

Synopsis: The story of the rise of a madame of a suburban brothel catering to older men, inspired by the real experiences of Cynthia Payne.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Terry Jones
Production: Image Entertainment
  Nominated for 2 BAFTA Film Awards. Another 1 win.
105 min

- What is it? What does it mean?

- What?

- DIY.

- Do it yourself.

I know, but it's not messing about

with Black & Decker drills.

- It might be.

- Tell me.

- Do it yourself.

- I know.

- Well, that's what it is.

- What?

Do it yourself.

No, still don't get it.


Ho, ho, ho.

Oh, I see, do it yourself!

That's filthy, really filthy.

How do you know that?

I didn't know.

How do you know these things?

- And O-levels. What are O-levels?

- Ssh.

Why? Why shush? Don't tell me to shush.

O- levels are exams.

What my David's doing at his private school.

He's doing his O-levels.

Here you are.

- Do you enjoy it, June?

- What?

- Sex.

- When I get it. What about you?

Wet knickers and missed periods.

First time I had it, I thought

I'd been knocked down by a brewer's dray.

Eh! Rose!

You bugger!

You owe me rent.

Bloody tart!

- Can you cover for me? I've got to go out.

- What, now?



Christine, BCSD.

Oh, Christmas!

Oh, thanks, babe.

- What about tonight?

- What about the weekend?

- The Dorchester.

- David's sports day.

- Dinner and dance.

- Very nice.

And put your best frock on.




Oh, yes, that's right.

Yes. Yes, Ginette is 22.

She has a full but firm 36-24-36 figure

and offers a full personal service.

You will like her.

Ginette has devastating revealing photos,

caters for party lovers,

and offers a full theatrical wardrobe.

French maid, nurse, gymslip, that kind of thing.

Mild CP and other games.

Executive fun for the over 40s.

Kinky but not cruel.

Why not pop round?

Good. Bye-bye.

- Excuse me. Thank you.

- Sorry.

Forgot my keys.

See you later. Make yourself at home. Ha ha!

Oops, excuse me.

- Good afternoon.

- Good afternoon.

You have an appointment with the governess.

No, that is not correct.

I have an appointment with the nanny.

Mr Marples, for the nanny.

- I thought Mr Marples was for House of Pain.

- No, winkie-poos and bot-bots.

Oh, God!

It's taken me an hour to get into this lot.

- Gotcha!

- Oh!

Where's my bloody rent?

I want my...

Miss Painter?

- Rent. You owe me rent.

- It's the rent man. I heard him.

Miss Painter, I know you're in there. Open up.

- I want my rent.

- I want my rent, do you hear me?

R E N T spells rent.

I know you're in there.

Miss Painter.

Rent by Friday or I send in the heavy mob.

See how you like it.


Oh, gawd, I'm sorry, Christine.

I ain't done the business.

I've had the curse, and the flu.

Terrible flu, and the curse as well.

Business is terrible.

I'm here all on my own.

There's the phone to answer, the door,

the client to service.

- Then get a maid.

- I'd better go before someone steals the baby.

- What are you doing with that?

- My one's broke.

- I'll get you one.

- What?

- A maid.

- You?

First thing Monday.

Get your knickers into gear.

- Yes?

- Oh, is... is Melanie here?

No, she's not.

- Yes?

- Are you free at the moment?

- Are you a married man?

- Yes.

What about your wife, then?

What's wrong with her?

Well, we've not had sex for 23 years.

Are you available?

What do you think I am?

- Mr Popozogolou.

- Miss Painter.

How convenient to find you at home.

May I come in?

Yes, of course. Come in.

This way, please.

Come in, sit down, make yourself at home.

- I suppose you're here for the rent.

- That is correct.

Miss Painter, you are

one week behind with the rent.

- One whole week.

- I haven't got it, but I can get it.

I always pay my way.

I believe in paying my own way.

That is very correct.

Miss Painter,

you do not live here, do you?

I'd like to live here.

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David Leland

David Leland (born 20 April 1947) is a film director, screenwriter and actor who came to international fame with his directorial debut Wish You Were Here in 1987. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Personal Services" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 16 Jan. 2021. <>.

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