Old Dogs Page #2

- This face is willing to hibernate

for six months to make the

best deal he could possibly make.

And I don't care who knows it. A toast

to my best buddy and business partner,

- Dan Rayburn! Whoo!

- Whoo!

Arigato!

It all comes down to this.

- I don't think so.

- Three, two, one.

This one's the shooter.

- Let's see it.

- Golden moment.

- Oh. Uh-oh!

- Oh, you're just sinkin' em.

Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh.

Let's hit it. There you go.

- It's a leaking dog.

- Yeah.

That's a... That's a neat trick.

How old is that dog?

I lost count. Vet said it was a record.

You might want to put

a diaper on him, or underwear.

- Yo.

- Hey. Where you been?

Japanese real estate agents.

Some apartments for Craig-san.

Thank you. I just want to find

something authentic.

I've been getting so immersed

in Japanese culture,

by the time I hit Tokyo, they're

going to think I'm part Japanese.

They'll be like, "Who is this local?"

I don't care if you stay on the top

of Mount Fuji. Just bring home the yen.

- This can't be.

- What do you got?

- Vicki.

- Vicki who?

South Beach Vicki? She's in town.

- She wants to see me. Today.

- She just called you out of the blue?

- No.

- Dan? Dan?

You know last Christmas

when I moved in to the condo?

I was feeling really lonely.

And maybe I wrote a seven-to-ten-page

single-spaced letter.

Oh, Dan.

You've been using your feelings

for this woman

to avoid your life for seven years.

I set you up in the most exclusive

adult-only condo.

You've never been to theme nights.

You never once went to the

Sunday morning schmooze and schmeer.

You know, maybe she hasn't

moved on either.

- Well, you can't do it.

- Why?

Because we're in the middle

of our biggest deal ever,

and you don't have the time.

She lives in Vermont. It's perfect.

Start of a long-distance relationship.

You get six to nine months

of the spa weekends,

late-night phone calls.

I'd still have my days free to work.

She wants to meet me

at Grand Central Station,

and I don't know what

I'm supposed to wear.

It's not formal, obviously,

it's a train station,

but do I wear a sport coat,

or coat and tie...

You can wear a sports coat,

but you're not going like that.

- Why?

- 'Cause you look like an albino.

This is his first time, so you can see

his complexion is ghost-like.

- What do you think of the El Tropical?

- Perfect beginner's tan.

- Oh, great.

- Yeah. Let's go!

- You all set?

- Oh, yeah.

- I'm ready. Alrighty, let's do this.

- Um... so...

Face forward, press the red button,

spray lasts ten seconds.

Keep your eyes closed and call me

on the intercom when you're done.

OK.

Eyes closed. She wanted a golden god,

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