Office Uprising Page #4

---

using a wheelbarrow as a desk

while working on some graveyard shift.

Me, I've been designing a video game app.

Basically a continuous runner

where a guy who is stoned,

and remains stoned,

is looking for munchies,

and if he reaches the end,

him and his girlfriend...

You know what?

I shouldn't be pitching it right now.

It's still in the design stage.

(phone ringing)

Accounting. Hope you're having

a blessed day. How may I help you?

(on phone) This is

Adam Nusbaum speaking.

I've just now noticed

the sign on my door reads

A. Nusbaum.

Why did no one bring

this to my attention?

Desmond, I assure you

this would be a lot funnier

if your voice even remotely

resembled Mr. Nusbaum's.

(imitating Nusbaum) I think

you're working way too hard.

Take a moment and kick back.

- Jesus.

- I'm hungry.

Are you hungry? We should order pizza.

I'd very much like to do my work.

We'll split one. In honor

of this shitty day, I'll buy.

Okay, you can't do that.

Employees can no longer

make outgoing calls.

- Do you ever read any e-mails?

- What?

- Call center. How can I help you?

- Hi.

Why do you exist?

Woman:
Excuse me?

Why do I have to go through

you to call out somewhere?

Due to the number of personal

calls made on company time,

we've been put in as

a cost-cutting measure.

Oh. In order to cut costs,

they created a brand-new department?

Yes.

- Can I order a pizza?

- Woman:
No.

Have a nice day.

- This is an outrage.

- Will you stop, okay.

Seriously. Listen, I know you don't care

if you lose this job, but I do.

Okay? If you hate this

place so much, just quit.

Let someone else who

wants a job keep theirs.

I don't want to lose my job.

This is the best job in the world.

Look, I get all the free

coffee I can consume,

full health and dental, and

I get to work on my game.

- Oh, Stoner Snatch?

- That was the working title,

but it's now Bake... and Take.

You've been working

on it for three years.

And it shows, brother. It shows.

I mean, the detail,

Mo. I mean, seriously...

Oh, I think you stay

for a different reason.

- Wendy?

- Mo:
No.

"Dezzy Des. Sammy Sam."

Samantha? (scoffs)

- Please.

- (imitates scoff)

(both snort)

Dude, we grew up

together. She's my homie.

And besides, we have a deal.

Oh, what's the deal?

I'm bad with relationships,

so why risk ruining a good friendship?

Okay, but don't you want sex?

I have sex.

How? You're not in a relationship.

I have sex with women I'm

not in a relationship with.

God, I wish I had your face.

- What?

- Nothing.

Never mind. Go... fix your hair.

(beeping on PA system)

Nusbaum:
Would everyone please report

to the 4:
00 p.m. motivational seminar?

Rate this script:5.0 / 2 votes