
Office Uprising
- Year:
- 2018
- 347 Views
(5.00 / 2 votes)1
For a hundred years,
one company has worked
with unparalleled vision
toward the continued
safety of our great nation:
Ammotech.
First, we changed the game
with the chain-fed machine gun,
- as well as Claymore landmines.
- (man screams)
about another great American pastime:
the barbecue.
Ammotech.
The world's leading innovator
of weapons of mass protection.
Yes y'all yes, yes y'all
Start the party celebrate
I'm sick of nonsense
I wanna elevate
From a familiar feeling...
(horns honking)
I'm coming to the end of the line
Check my watch,
man, is it about time?
I need to move,
y'all, unrestrained
Come alive, I'm on the chain
(on car stereo) Do you
really wanna break...
Put your hands in the air
let me hear you say...
Clarence! Hey, listen, I'm super late
and can't find my gate pass anywhere.
I was hoping you could
just do me a favor and...
- I gotta have that pass.
- Yeah. Of course.
(whispering) Gate pass.
Gate pass. Gate pass.
Yeah, I got it. I got it. Uh...
The thing is, Clarence, I'm a
little disorganized this morning.
- I see, and
- and it's heartbreaking.
I got you a card on
your birthday, remember?
from a shitload of candles.
- Look, no pass, no entry. At least without TW
- 100 clearance form.
Dude, don't make me fill
out that one giant form...
- (banging on car door)
- No access to the premises without valid ID.
- Prohibited.
- Thanks, Clarence.
Next birthday, no card.
(snoring)
- (alarm blaring)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh. Hey. Brimble. Accounting.
- Accounting.
- Yeah. I know.
Okay. Thanks, Tony.
Wait, wait. Wait, wait. Wait, wait.
- (elevator chimes)
- Woman (automated): Door is open.
- Dezzy Des.
- Sammy Sam.
losing battle with Mondays.
Well, somebody has to do it. You
haven't been on time for anything since...
(inhales sharply)
- ...ever
- Not true.
2012. NYU. Totally on time
for your graduation ceremony.
After you went out the
night before and got so drunk
that you puked during my speech.
Don't take that as a criticism.
It was a brilliant speech.
Ever think that maybe my problem here
is that I'm just not being
properly incentivized?
Of course you are. You get
to hang out with me every day.
Give me your hand. Give me your hand.
So you can at least try to be on time.
- (elevator bell dings)
- Uh, thanks.
My gift to you.
Helen, I'll need to remain undisturbed
throughout my meetings today.
Also, excellently tidy workspace.
Love the lipstick.
I'll take my green juice in five minutes.
(ringing)
- Hello?
- Man (on phone): Good morning, Desmond.
Step into my office, please.
Sure thing, Mr. Nusbaum.
Helen, hi. No, no, no. Please don't get up.
Don't get up. Don't get... Oh.
Really, I could get the door myself if...
(sighs)
You know, it's really not the
assistant's job to do that.
Anymore.
That's very kind of you, and thank you.
Thanks for walking me.
That was great. Thank you.
- Morning.
- You're late.
Uh, yeah. I ran into some
trouble at the guard gate and...
Yes, I've noticed that tardiness is
a recurring motif in your life,
- but actually I don't care.
- Hmm.
I've called you in here
regarding the merger.
- Merger?
- Yes.
Merger, as in to merge,
connect, conjoin, couple or harness.
- Who are we merger
- ing with?
- Altria.
- The cluster bomb guys.
No, that would be Benevolencia.
weaponized anthrax, and of course...
the all-terrain jet ski.
Boy, they've had a great year.
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"Office Uprising" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 8 Feb. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/office_uprising_15108>.
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