Office Christmas Party Page #4

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And that was before Boston

Chicken was, like, a thing.

- I've heard those stories.

- He took care of them.

That's what I want

for my people. You know?

And I want that drone.

Clay, let me ask you

a question.

You think that my management

style is... Is too careful?

Uh, do you think that I bunt

instead of swing

for the fences?

I want to be completely honest

with you, Josh.

I wasn't paying attention, so

I didn't hear your question.

- I can repeat it.

- I'd rather you didn't.

Because I can tell by

your face that it's serious.

And I want

to tell you seriously,

it's almost Christmas. Relax.

- You want some of this?

- I think so.

- I don't think you do.

- You sure?

I think you better get moving.

CLAY:
Uh-oh. Here he goes!

- (NERF GUN WHIRS)

- CLAY:
Huh?

- Eat that! Eat it, Clay!

- (EXCLAIMS)

- (CLATTERING)

- Careful, careful, careful!

(DECORATIONS CLINKING)

- (EXHALES)

- We're good.

Oh, no!

- (OBJECTS CLATTERING)

- (CROWD GASP)

Oh...

(CLATTERING CONTINUES)

- (CROWD MURMURING)

- Hey!

Ooh, somebody

is getting fired.

Hey, uh, Allison? Right?

- Yeah.

- I'm Fred.

I just joined accounting.

Hi.

(SIGHS) Um, so, I saw

that photo on your desk.

Are those your kids?

- Yep. They're two and four.

- Oh.

I'm a single mum. Ugh.

That's great.

- I was raised by a single mum.

- Really?

Yeah. If you ask me,

Tupac was right.

(MIMICS TUPAC)

"Ain't a woman alive

"that could take

my mama's place."

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)

- (ELEVATOR DINGS)

ALLISON:

I don't know that song.

Oh, sh*t.

Allison.

- Where's Clay?

- He's unreachable.

He's participating

in a conference... Summit...

Elon Musk, uh,

tech participation... Relay.

Let's try that again.

Allison, where's Clay?

- He's Christmas shopping.

- Okay.

I would like

all department heads

in the conference room

in five minutes.

Tell him to stop

looking at me.

ALLISON:
Look away.

Ooh. No, he's cute. Oh.

Actually...

It's like the calling

never stops.

MEGHAN:
I know.

It's so annoying.

(KELSEY AND MEGHAN

CONTINUE INDISTINCTLY)

CAROL:
Ugh! You have

got to be shitting me.

So the bartender says,

"We don't see many gorillas."

And the gorilla says,

"Well, at $12 for a martini

I can see why not."

You know a lot

of gorilla jokes.

- Yeah.

- Excuse me.

What's going on?

Something's off.

Yeah, everyone's working.

CLAY:
Oh, shitster.

It's my sister.

There she is!

My sister from another mister!

I'm kidding, our mother

didn't start having affairs

until the mid-90s.

What are you doing here?

Well, we were just going over

your fourth quarter earnings.

And I wondered

if I was missing something.

Probably.

Clay, why don't you

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