Norbit Page #2

Look, just so we clear.

If you ever hurt my sister in any way,

make her cry,

even make her sad one time,

I'm coming at you

with razor blades and lemon juice.

You hear me?

Yes.

I'm talking pain, boy.

Searing, mindnumbing pain.

I understand.

You understand me?

Yes, yes, yes.

All right.

Welcome to the family.

Thank you.

Somebody is take

a big hunk out of my cake!

What y'all looking at?

I ain't had no cake.

You better mind your damn business.

Hey, hey! Everyone!

I am Mr. Wong.

I am best man in wedding.

I feel it my place to say something,

make a toast to bride and groom,

tell story about Norbit.

I like Norbit father.

I raise Norbit. He like my own child.

And I want to say that

I very, very confused, Norbit,

that you... You marry Latimore.

I don't understand it, because

when you was a little boy, you say,

"One day I find the girl of my dreams."

And then you marry a gorilla.

I joke, I joke, I joke.

Why you not know joke

when you hear joke?

Why you wanna make fight at wedding?

Cool off, before I have to

bust somebody ass in here. Okay.

When Norbit just little boy,

he like to always

run all over place naked. Always naked.

And Norbit, when he was just little boy,

had a peepee the size of an egg roll.

You know, Norbit.

That's true.

And one day, down by creek,

Norbit run around naked

and poisonous snake jump up

and bite Norbit right on ass.

Very close to hole.

Norbit pass out. I think Norbit is dead.

I go to check the boy pulse.

He still alive. He still alive!

"Okay," I say,

"I must do something to save child."

So, I start to think,

"Do I suck poison out of Norbit's ass

or do I let him die?"

I do the most responsible thing.

I say, "Hell to the no!

"Norbit is out of here,

"because it is long time in hell

"before Wong suck poison

out of another man's ass."

But strange, mystical thing

happen, Norbit.

Even though poison is in Norbit,

he not die.

Norbit get stronger and stronger.

That why I know, Norbit,

deep down inside, you very, very strong.

You strong like warrior.

That's why I say to you, Norbit,

you can survive anything.

Even...

So I say to everyone here, and to Norbit,

I wish you much happiness and peace

and love,

and lots of bananas for your new gorilla.

I only kidding. To Norbit and Rasputia.

Norbit, you know

what would be so romantic?

If you'd carry me over the threshold

like a little chocolate drop.

Be delicate, now.

Put your back into it.

Come on, now. Be a man.

You ain't no man.

Pathetic.

Rasputia, I know we're both nervous

because we've never done this before,

but we can take our time, darling.

In sweet time.

Rasputia was so full of love.

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