Noises Off... Page #4

- Isn't she... She really is.

Belinda's being all, you know.

Freddie, don't you like

a nice all-night tech rehearsal?

Only thing I like about them

is you get to sit on the furniture.

Freddie, it's so good to see you

cheering up and making jokes.

Was that a joke?

This is such a nice company to work with.

Such a happy company.

Wait till we get to Broadway in six months.

- If.

- Wait till Cleveland in three months.

Lloyd, my darling, are you all right?

I'm starting to know what God felt like when

he sat in darkness creating the world.

What did he feel like?

Very pleased he'd taken his Valium.

He had six days, of course.

We've only got six hours.

God said, "Where the hell is Tim"?

And there the hell was Tim.

"Let there be doors that open when they

open, and close when they close".

- Do something?

- Doors!

- I was getting bananas for the sardines.

- Doors!

I bet God had a stage manager

who understood English, too.

- That door won't close.

- And the bedroom won't...

- Right.

- He hasn't been to bed for 48 hours.

Don't worry, Tim. Only another 24 hours,

and it'll be the end of the day.

Look, he's come down to earth,

amongst us.

Listen, since we've stopped anyway.

It took two days to put the set up.

So we shan't have time for dress rehearsal.

- What?

- Don't worry.

Think of the first night

as the dress rehearsal.

If we can just get through

the play once tonight,

for doors and sardines,

that's what it's all about.

Doors and sardines.

Getting on, getting off,

getting the sardines on and off.

That's farce. That's the theater.

That's life.

God, you're so deep.

So, just keep going.

Bang, bang, bang!

Bang, you're on. Bang, you said it.

Bang, you're off!

Everything will be perfectly...

Where's Selsdon?

- Oh, God!

- Selsdon?

- I thought he was with you.

- I thought he was round back with you.

Is Mr. Mowbray in his dressing room?

I don't think he would.

Not during a tech rehearsal.

- Would who?

- We can't find Selsdon.

- I'm sure he wouldn't.

- Half a chance, he would.

- Would what?

- Glug, glug, glug!

Now come on, people, be fair.

We don't know.

- Don't jump to conclusions.

- Get the understudy ready. Tim?

Hurry up with those doors.

You're going on for Selsdon.

Right.

He should never have been let

out of our sight. I said that!

He's been good in rehearsal.

Because in the rehearsal hall,

it was all, but there we were, you know?

- You mean, you could see everyone.

- Here, it's all...

Split in two.

There's a front and a back.

Instantly, we've lost him.

- He's not in his dressing room.

- And the bathroom?

In the prop room, the paint shop,

the scenery dock?

- You've worked with him before.

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