New Girl Page #4

CECE (INTO PHONE)

Just don’t take anything from Lost

and Found again- Jess? I’m serious.

12.

JESS:

Of course not. I gotta go.

CECE (INTO PHONE)

Jess-

Jess stops in front of a Lost and Found box. She holds up astriped sweater. She puts it on. It fits, but snug.

JESS:

What do you think of this?

Jess turns around and talks to the nearby group of ADORING 10YEAR OLDS. All of the girls “Oo and Aah.” One of the little

boys in the group speaks up.

YOUNG BOY:

(a la Rachel Zoe)

Die. Die. Love. Die.

INT. SCHMIDT’S OFFICE. MEETING ROOM. SAME TIME.

A staff meeting at Schmidt’s suit-and-tie, high stress officefilled with ball-busting WOMEN. MANDY, his douchiest coworker

bothers him as he tries to text.

MANDY:

Victoria’s Secret party on

Saturday. Are you on the list?

SCHMIDT:

(covering his panic)

Yeah. Obviously. We go every year.

His FEMALE BOSS comes in.

FEMALE BOSS:

Hey Schmidt, nice tie. Can I borrowa tampon?

All Schmidt’s female co-workers snicker and high-five.

SCHMIDT:

You know what- I’m not a sex

object. I’m just trying to do my

work, do a good job...

More laughter. One of the women makes a cat noise.

INT. SCHMIDT’S OFFICE. BULLPEN. LATER.

Schmidt looks at the Victoria’s Secret website, on the phone.

13.

SCHMIDT (INTO PHONE)

We need Caroline, Nick. She can getus in.

INT. THE LOFT. CROSS CUT.

Nick is sitting next to a pile of L-SAT books, but readingone of Jess’ copies of US Weekly.

NICK (FROM PHONE)

I’m not calling her.

SCHMIDT (INTO PHONE)

Listen to me. Knowing, every year,

that I will go to the Victoria’s

Secret Wild West Charity Auctionfor Poverty reminds me that eventhough these women make fun of meand they slap my ass on theelevator, I’m still a man and I can

still motorboat a girl dressed likea Native American.

INT. VICTORIA’S SECRET PARTY. FLASHBACK.

Schmidt, incredibly drunk, with his shirt off, is motor-

boating a girl dressed as Pocahontas. He looks up.

SCHMIDT:

I’m never going to die!

General cheers.

BACK TO OFFICE/THE LOFT- CROSS CUT:

SCHMIDT (CONT’D)

Just call her. You call her when

you get drunk all the time.

NICK:

I don’t know to what you are

referring.

INT. THE LOFT. FLASHBACK.

Nick, drunk, speaking into his cell in a cockney accent.

NICK (INTO PHONE)

‘Ello Caroline... Caroline... No,

it’s not Nick, it’s Tiny Tim...

14.

BACK TO OFFICE/THE LOFT- CROSS CUT:

SCHMIDT:

Nick. Call her.

NICK:

Schmidt. I’m not calling her.

SCHMIDT:

Perfect. Tell me. Why did you letthe girl who does PR for Victoria’sSecret dump you?

NICK:

She didn’t love me anymore.

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