New Girl Page #3

(doing voices)

I was in here yesterday, youwouldn’t wait on me- Oh. - You

people work on commission, right? -

SCHMIDT:

Nick!

JESS (V.O.)

The problem was I didn’t know who Iwas without him. I was like a

frozen computer. I tried to clickon stuff, but all I had was that

little spinning pinwheel thing. Orsomething.

INT. LIVING ROOM. SAME TIME.

The kitchen is a mess with open jars and food products. Jessis sitting on the floor eating bread, on her ex-boyfriend’s

Facebook page. She’s singing “My Favorite Things.”

10.

JESS:

(singing)

Raindrops on roses and whiskers onkittens- I hate you, I hate you, Ihate you

(takes a big mouth full ofbread)

I miss you.

REVEAL Nick, Schmidt, and Coach are standing together andwatching her on the floor.

SCHMIDT:

We got to get her out of here.

Jess, startled, turns around. In a moment of panic, shethrows the bread across the room.

JESS:

It’s not mine!

(then)

Oh god. This is bad, right?

SCHMIDT:

Yeah. It’s been a week. I can’t

live like this. I brought a girlhome the other night, and shethought I had a baby. I’m taking

you out. I’m going to get you a

rebound. Shower sex. Hopefully.

NICK:

This is not going to work.

JESS:

Can I wear this flannel?

SCHMIDT:

Wait, let me see it for a second.

Jess takes it off and hands it to Schmidt. Schmidt

immediately takes a pair of scissors, cuts it up into tinypieces in the sink.

INT. GARFIELD ELEMENTARY. HALLWAY. LATER THAT DAY.

Jess is walking down the hallway, on the phone. As she walks,

kids say hi to her and slap her high-five. She’s clearly oneof the most popular teachers.

CECE (FROM PHONE)

So, good, they’re taking you out...

11.

STUDENT:

Hey, Ms. Day.

Jess slaps the student high-five.

JESS:

Ceec, I feel great. Why have Inever had guy friends before?

INT. SOUND STAGE. CROSS CUT.

Cece, in a bizarre deconstructed designer dress, sits in adirector’s chair getting primped and poked by makeup and hairpeople. She talks on the phone.

CECE (INTO PHONE)

Yeah, that’s so weird...

INT. HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM- FLASHBACK.

A TEENAGE JESS is sitting at the piano with her legs splayed.

She sings “Silent All These Years” by Tori Amos with a lot ofemotion.

ON TEENAGE CECE, watching in the crowd, her arm draped over ahot guy who looks like Jordan Catalano, shaking her head inshame.

JESS:

(singing)

So you found a girl who thinksreally deep thoughts! What’s so

amazing about really deep thoughts?

Boy, you best hope that I bleedreal soon...

A GUY IN THE AUDIENCE runs out of the auditorium gagging.

BACK TO PRESENT:

JESS (CONT’D)

They’re going to help me pick up

dudes. Like real ones. I gotta lookhot.

Jess passes a group of OLDER WOMAN TEACHERS who waveenthusiastically and make “hang loose” hand gestures. Some 10YEAR OLD students have started following her.

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