Never Give a Sucker an Even Break Page #3

on a sidewalk with a sailor.

"The scene intrigues you.

"You hop off while it is going. In

the circus scene, you wear a beard. "

I wear a beard?

Yeah, a small beard,

a Vandyke.

Just little... You know what

a Vandyke is, don't you?

I certainly do.

Oh.

You enter the pool hall.

"The contender for the

championship just ripped the cloth,

"which causes the ball... "

Good morning, Mr. Pangborn.

Good morning,

Mrs. Pastromi.

Take that Groucho Marx

out of here, please.

"... which causes the ball

to leap off the table. "

Just a moment, please.

Hello?

Oh, it's the other phone.

Hello? Yes. Yes, she's here.

It's for you, Mrs. Pastromi.

"Strong men faint.

Some feint with their rights

"and some feint with

their lefts. " Hello? Yes.

I can't hear you.

You'll have to talk louder.

"He faints. "

I'm talking as loud as I can.

Yeah.

Don't we always have

spaghetti for dinner? Yeah.

All right, we'll have raviolis.

"And you rush over... "

Of course, I'll be home.

What time is it?

"... and put his head

in your lap. "

I can't hear you. Goodbye.

Well, goodbye.

Thank you, Mrs. Pastromi.

You're welcome.

Then you go off to the local

barber shop and get shaved

and play the rest of the scene

and the picture

with an absolutely clean face.

Oh, well, all right.

We can cut that out.

If you don't mind, Mr. Fields,

I'll read it myself.

I get a better feel, capture the mood

and the tempo better that way, you see.

It's in English, isn't it?

"A long shot of streamlined plane

with open-air, rear observation... "

"With open-air,

rear observation compartment.

"In the plane is the

handsome hero, Bill Fields

"and his little niece,

Gloria Jean,

"who are winging their way

toward the Russian village

"in the strange

and distant land of... "

Are you happy?

You bet I am, Uncle.

Must be a Shriners'

convention in town.

Or maybe

he's a cigarette salesman.

I beg your pardon.

That's quite all right.

It doesn't matter.

I hope he hasn't brought his

polo ponies on board with him.

They'll be pawing all night

and keep us awake.

Good night, Uncle.

Good night, dear.

Now don't you worry. I'll be right over

here in the upper berth next to you.

All right.

What's the matter,

did you sprain your ankle?

No, no, no, a dog bit me.

Yeah, I was playing croquet

and I dropped my mallet.

And a little dachshund

ran straight out

and grabbed me by the fetlock.

Rather fortunate it wasrt a

Newfoundland dog that bit you.

Yes, rather.

I suppose so.

I'm sleeping here somewhere,

but I don't quite know where.

Well, there's no other place to sleep

if you don't sleep in the plane here.

That's right.

No hotels around anywhere.

Here you are, Mr. Fields.

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