Nativity

(Here comes Santa Claus

Here comes Santa Claus...

'That's me, Paul Maddens,

back in drama school.

'Yes, l look like an idiot.

'And there's my girlfriend, Jennifer,

'with our best mate,

Gordon Shakespeare.

'We were the three amigos

with the world at our feet.'

(So jump in bed and cover your head

(Cos Santa Claus comes tonight... (

'Jennifer and her family

always loved Christmas.

'And it was Jennifer

who taught me to love it, too.

'Gordon always said

he loved Christmas,

'but the only thing

he truly loved was himself.'

l'm completely above this.

This is just pointless. Elf!

lt's my last elf.

l could at least be Father Christmas.

Look at her.

- l can't do this any more.

- You're really good, though.

There's no control being an actor.

You're doing other people's ideas.

- l agree.

- l'd rather be in control.

l don't know,

like directing, producing.

- l think you should consider that.

- l will.

That's why l'm going to train

as a primary school teacher.

Shh.

Give it three years and if you're

as bad as you are now, give up.

Try. Those who can't act, teach.

(Both) And those who can't teach,

teach primary.

- Who says that?

- lt's a truism.

A truism?

Five, six, seven, eight.

(Here comes Santa Claus

Here comes Santa Claus...

(Paul) 'And so that's what l did,

l became a teacher,

'and Jennifer

seemed really proud of me.

'As l was of her, when she went

to Hollywood and became a producer.

'Gordon became a teacher at

the best private school in the city.

'Every Christmas,

'his productions of the nativity won

the five-star review in the local paper.'

Gordon Shakespeare's

three-colour trilogy

has redefined nativity

with its rainbow of talent

that hangs over the city of Coventry

like a blessed beacon.

'Five stars.

'Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

What a performance!

'Paul Maddens' nativity was abysmal.'

Minus two stars.

(Paul) 'And that's when

l decided l hated Christmas.'

((JACKSON 5:

"Santa Claus ls Coming To Town")

(Santa Claus is coming to town

(You'd better watch out

You'd better not cry...

Sit down! Oli, that's you

in detention for the week.

TJ, that's you in detention

for the week,

and also, TJ, that's your parents

coming into school tomorrow.

(Santa Claus is coming to town... (

- Who is going to win the 5-star review?

- Us, us, us!

Us, us, us! Us, us, us!

Us, us, us! Yeah!

- Who can spell me Bethlehem? Go.

- B-E-L-E...

No, next. Oli.

B-E-L-T...

No! TJ?

- B-E-L-E...

- No!

Good morning, boys and girls.

Good morning, Mrs Bevan!

Here we are on the run-up to Christmas.

- Yes!

- lsn't that exciting?

Now, last year,

Mrs Spink did the nativity play,

and, if you remember,

she got a bit upset

and she started shouting and crying

and some of you, l remember,

were crying with her.

So, we are going to have to find

a new person,

and this year, to make the best

nativity play that has ever, ever been,

is Mr Maddens. Yes!

(We wish you a Merry Christmas

(We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

(We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

(We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year...

Ooh.

(We wish you a Merry Christmas

We wish you a Merry Christmas

(We wish you a Merry Christmas

And a Happy New Year

(And a happy New Year

(Happy New Year... (

You have the talent,

you have the training.

Mrs Bevan, l did a three-year course

in drama many moons ago.

- l wasn't very good.

- Yes, l know. Let's move on from there.

When are you going

to start the casting?

These children are literally useless.

l am literally useless.

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