Mystery, Alaska Page #3

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- Sheriff.

- I ordered one for you too, Dad.

- Thanks, Mike.

- Johnny?

- Yeah?

You gotta get out to Gagney Grocers.

Connor Banks just shot a guy.

Ow! Jesus!

What, did you put your finger in it?

- Try and hold still.

- Could you jam the oxygen tank...

a little further up my ass, please?

Have you done this before?

- Who is he?

- A rep from Price World.

Good. Twist it! Yeah, that helps.

Think about trimming

those nails too, Tarzan.

- Just try to hold it there.

- Are you trying to hurt me?

Huh?

- You okay?

- No, I'm not okay!

Do I look like I'm okay?

The f***er shot me!

What the f***-ass f*** of a bum-f***,

shithole town is this?

I make a business call.

I give him my card.

And the hick-ass f***er shoots

my foot off! Cock-f***ing sh*t!

- John, it was an accident.

- You read him his rights?

- You have the right to remain silent.

- Oh, come on, John!

- I didn't mean to shoot him.

- Call Bailey Pruitt. Talk to him.

Don't be saying

anything to me.

Johnny, I heard.

- I'm sorry.

- Connor, you just shot a guy.

- Take him.

- Read him his rights.

Cock-f***ing suck-ass f***er!

Have fun in jail, a**hole!

They, uh,

got into a beef.

- Connor pulled a pistol.

Happened over in feed.

Says he was aiming at a sack

of Puppy Chow, trying to scare him.

He hit a wheelbarrow.

It ricocheted.

- Ow! Ow, ow!

- Johnny?

- Yeah?

- There's a helicopter hovering over town hall. Looks Russian.

Whoa!

I'm slow in the feet?

That's it?

That's all you got for me?

No, "Wow, nice helicopter"? No, " Hey,

great article in Sports Illustrated"?

How's Donna doing?

Does she miss me?

Twice in one year, Charlie.

What do you want this time?

I come bearing

the New York Rangers.

The New York Rangers?

Yeah, I was pretty blown away myself.

But the article sparked some kind

of brainstorm at the NHL.

- Good writing, I guess.

- The New York Rangers.

The New York Rangers.

- In Mystery, Alaska?

- Right here.

To play against our boys?

The NHL feels it'll be

great publicity,

and the network figures

a 14 share, minimum.

All right.

What's in it for you,

Charlie?

Community pride.

A sense of giving back to

the place where I grew up.

Money.

If you all settle down, we'll, uh,

we'll try to answer all your questions.

Now, nothing is definite.

There's still some dealing to be done

with the players' unions and things.

But what needs to be decided first is,

do we want this game?

- I won't kid ya, it would be

a goose to the economy.

What economy?

We can be serious

about this,

or we can simply leave the decision to

the committee, which I'm quite happy to do.

Yes, Miram?

The question is,

do we really stand a chance?

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