Myra Breckinridge Page #3

come in at 5:
00 instead of 6:00...

as I'm gettin' horny

watchin' my niece on TV.

[ Myron]...leave this place

and go into the real world?

Oh, some of them leave, sure.

They have to get money to pay the fees.

It's very expensive.

- Is your name really Irving?

- Irving Amadeus.

- That's a Jewish name, isn't it?

- Yes, I know.

I used to be Jewish

before I was transmogrified.

Now I just eat nuts and raisins

and play Scrabble with my guru.

...to today's class

on cinema lovemaking.

-On balling.

Just take off your clothes

and get in bed, dear.

Now we need a ballsy young man

for the lover.

- Come on.

And you are irate.

You're bugged.

You think that she is

the lowest slut, the worst.

You also want to, uh,

get in bed with her.

You hold these here.

You look into his eyes and say...

No, it's all your imagination. I've never

been to bed with any man. You're on drugs.

- How could you do this to me, you b*tch?

- lt's all your imagination.

- That's very good.

- Maybe we should--

- Congratulations, Lance.

...here at the academy

are not interested in...

teaching the students

to be successful.

We feel that it's

our responsibility to--

But you're a fag, aren't you?

Well, uh-- What do you--

I don't know.

I mean, in the Baha'i faith--

You see, Uncle Buck is convinced

that group therapy and self-criticism...

are the keys

to successful acting.

Personally, I think if everybody

ate macrobiotic foods...

- there'd be no more wars.

- [Buck] B*tch!

I should've put it to her

when she first come in...

throwed her on her back and give her the old

Buck Loner special right there on the rug.

Goddamn smart-mouthed broad!

Memo to Flager and Flager,

attorneys.

Dear Charlie- Hmm, honey,

that feels real good.

Uh, cut that.

Dear Charlie...

a problem's come up

on which I need your thinkin'.

Mm-hmm! A woman showed up today who says

she is the widow to my nephew Myron.

Now, this woman claims she has

a right to half my property...

which did at one time belong

to my sister Gertrude and me...

but is now mine, all mine,

if there's any justice in this world.

Now, Charlie, it's up to you to see

I get the best justice money can buy.

Honey, that is simply wonderful.

Hmm! Strike that.

Not me. Flager.

Let's go inside and watch some of

the fundamentals of acting class.

He's dirty and greasy,

and I can? stand him!

He's always hitting on me in rehearsals

and grabbing and groping me.

[Man] I want you to build

the vibe between you...

by closing your eyes

and touching each other.

I can't stand

to have this creep touch me!

Now we're getting someplace.

Real honesty

for the first time.

[ Woman ]

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