My Stepmother Is an Alien Page #5

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and singing and stuff and....

I just wanted to use everything I know

about radar astronomy to protect you.

Would you mind if I kissed you?

Does it hurt?

Not the way I do it.

I have never felt anything like that

in my entire life.

Do I now have to eat the chocolate

from Pennsylvania?

Listen, I think we'd better get out of here.

Are you sure you've told me everything

about the transmission?

I think so. But perhaps we should

explore it a little further.

I'd better take you home.

No, that's too far.

We must go to your place.

-Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

-More.

I'm dreaming.

"Life could be a dream

"Sha-boom"

As your great poet says.

Welcome to the Mills residence.

What is this?

Hats.

This one is a collector's item.

Actually belonged to Jimmy Durante.

Who?

"Goodnight Mrs. Calabash,

wherever you are."

He was a song and dance man

in the movies.

Come on in, this is the palace.

Help yourself. Sit down. Steal an ashtray.

I have to go check on Jessie.

Please don't leave...

...or otherwise I'll be forced to crawl up

under my bed and suck dust forever.

So what's going on here?

Could it be that he really doesn't know

how he made the transmission?

-What's that?

-Canine.

Highly revered on this planet.

Usually found

in the company of fire hydrants.

Now look, Dr. Steve's lying.

Don't leave him alone.

But he doesn't even care

about that anymore.

Didn't you see during that kissing thing?

His skin got hot and his heartbeat went up.

And suddenly there was

a lot more of him down there.

It's an act.

Government types on this planet

are trained to lie.

Go find him. He may be burning papers

right this minute!

Oh, God!

She's beautiful, isn't she?

Who is she?

My daughter, Jessie.

Short.

Short? She's only 13.

Thirteen?

How old does she look?

Six, seven hundred, just short.

Why don't we go in here?

My bedroom?

Well, you said you wanted to talk.

Why go all the way downstairs?

Say, do you think I'm a billionaire?

Or somebody on television or somebody

who's really important or something?

You're Steven Mills, Ph.D.

A very obscure physicist

who makes $25,000 a year.

And you still want to go in here?

Yowza.

Yowza?

You make me laugh.

I mean, you're the first person that has

really made me laugh since....

Look, if we do go in there, you know,

I might probably want to do more kissing.

Surely. It was very pleasant.

But I hope that's not all you want to do.

Remember me?

You're so wonderful.

You're funny, you're intelligent

and you understand my work...

...and now you want to have sex.

I wanna have sex?

Don't you?

Do you?

Yes!

Well, I do, too.

As soon as I find out what it is.

-I have to go to the bathroom.

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