Must Love Dogs Page #2

Am I wallowing? Really?

You're not the wallower | in the family. Carol is the wallower.

Me? I never wallow. | I suffer in silence.

- No, that's Christine. | - Thank you, Michael.

No, no.

- Sylvia Plath. | - This is why people...

...don't have large families anymore.

- Bye. I love you. | - Bye.

- Bye, Bill. | - Love you, Carol.

- See you, Dad. | - Thank you, I think.

Bye, Chris. Bye.

- See you later, Dad. | - Bye, Daddy.

Bye.

There's someone special | waiting for you, Sarah.

I know it. Someone worthy.

Kevin was not, on his best day...

...good enough for you, sweetheart.

Now you tell me.

Why not?

You know I love you and I love Lisa, | but I think you're both better off.

We sure weren't making each other | happy there at the end.

Or the beginning.

Or the middle.

I mean, don't get me wrong, we all | wanted to sleep with Lisa, but marriage...

- That's not right. | - I said that out loud, didn't I?

- You did. | - I better strike that from the record.

No, lawyers get to do that. | I'm instructing you to disregard that.

I think women have | the whole thing planned.

Really, the whole thing.

An epic narrative in their heads. | You know my theory about this?

When you meet, | they have the whole story written.

But you don't get to read it.

But if you go off script...

...right? They write you out | of the story.

I got written out of Act 3.

Now you're in Act 4, where I get you | banged every night of the week.

Charlie, I'm toast. I just got shredded. | I am...

- It's time, healing time. I'm on the bench. | - Hey. Hey.

I'm out of the game. | Bench me, bench me.

- Hey. | - Benched.

I'll be right with you.

- Hi. Can I help you? | - Single chicken breast, please.

For an extra 75 cents, | you can get the whole fryer here.

Two breasts, two thighs and a wing.

Thank you. I don't know | when I'd eat all that.

- It's just an extra 75 cents. | - It's not the 75 cents.

I hate to see food go bad.

We got a hundred recipes. | You can cook them, freeze them and...

Look, listen to me, mister. | I'm divorced, okay?

I eat alone, | usually standing over the sink.

I don't want chicken | hanging around, okay?

- Okay. | - Thank you.

Hey. There she is.

- Good morning. How are you? | - Good morning.

I called you last night | to see if you were up for a movie...

...or bowling or group shampooing. | - I'm sorry. Eric's parents are in town.

Mr. and Mrs. Stalin. | I'm under house arrest.

- Weren't they just here? | - Thank you.

I don't know why they can't stay at | a hotel. Nothing I do makes them happy.

And they make Eric so nervous, | he's like the Tin Man.

You have to hang in there, Leo. | You and Eric are my model...

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