
Must Love Dogs
(5.00 / 1 vote)The best place to meet a guy | is the supermarket.
You see a guy holding a list, | you know he's married.
He's in the frozen-food section | carrying a small basket, he's single.
I hang out by fruits and vegetables. | Better chance of getting a guy who's healthy.
Probably the best place | is Home Depot or any hardware store.
You just walk up | to the cutest guy and say:
"Do you know where I can get nailed? | I mean, nails?
Pardon me, | I've been drinking all afternoon."
And that way he knows, | one, that you're easy...
...and two, that you like to drink.
I thought a great place to meet girls would | be night school where they teach English.
Because these girls | would be from foreign lands...
...and maybe still a little disoriented | from the journey...
...and I would look attractive | because I speak English very goodly.
But in the end, | it did not work out as I had hoped.
I mean, basically, I was told to | take a hike in 14 languages.
Where do you meet people? | I don't know, they're everywhere.
Why, is there a problem?
No. No way, | I'm not going out with this guy.
Just call him. Say hello. | He's in my book club.
- Why is there a woman here? | - It's his wife.
They're separated, but he didn't want | to Photoshop her out...
...if you're not interested. | They are in Hawaii.
It's the Four Seasons. | This could be you in the photograph.
Aloha.
- Well, if you change your mind. | - I've got a picture too.
Is that why you're all here? | The whole family?
- Everyone has a picture for me? | - This is an intervention, Sarah.
- He's great. | - A beautiful girl like you can't just give up.
There's life after divorce.
You were married to the same woman | for 45 years, Dad.
- What do you know about divorce? | - Precious little, I admit.
The black specter of two lives | torn asunder.
Not helping, Dad.
I wish your mother were here, | God rest her soul.
- She'd know what to say. | - "Put on another pot of tea."
That's what she'd say. | The Irish answer to all problems.
- Well, it worked most of the time. | - Who is this?
I have no idea, but if you're interested, | I'll Google him.
Is this it for food in this house, | like, eight crackers?
And what are these? | Are these bananas?
- I think they were at one time. | - I'll take one.
- I guess I forgot to shop this month. | - What are you gonna do, sis?
- I mean, really, it's been eight months. | - Dad's giving-up idea sounds intriguing.
I could become the crazy aunt | who moves in down in the basement.
Put a cot in for me, some herbal teas. | I'd like to get a dog, if that's okay?
Marc, don't you have | a friend for Sarah?
"A Friend for Sarah." I'm now an episode | of "Little House on the Prairie".
- Come on, you must know somebody. | - Not really.
But if you want to have an affair, | I do know a couple of married guys.
- We'll let that be our fallback, okay? | - Okay.
- An affair, that's a terrific idea. | - My husband to the rescue.
Don't cover mine.
I think affairs should go | on the other side.
Yeah.
Hey, Jake.
Hey, Charlie.
Divorce is final.
You're a free man.
I don't know if... is the | appropriate sentiment. Four years...
...woman I loved, I got my ass kicked. | - High-five.
Not that kind of moment either.
- Down low? | - Just because I want this to stop.
You are officially the worst client | I've ever had.
- Thank you. | - Let Lisa have everything.
Even the judge wanted you to keep | those boxing gloves.
- She really liked you. | - I liked her too, as far as judges go.
No. I mean, really.
Wow, that's a good-looking Cougar.
Excellent stuff. You think she'd like | to buy a handmade, stainable teak boat?
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"Must Love Dogs" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 26 Jan. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/must_love_dogs_14279>.
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