Mr. Woodcock Page #3

I'm already past my past.

That's why

it's called my past.

Well, some people

find my book helpful.

Lot of losers out there,

I guess.

Well, would you like

an espresso, er, cappuccino...?

- Um, a cup--

- Just the check.

Oh, OK.

Thanks, guys.

Um, my treat.

You're the guest.

I'll take care of it.

No, really, it's fine.

I can afford it.

So you're saying I can't?

No, of course not.

Well, then, why don't you take

your own advice and, uh, let go?

Thank you, Jasper.

That is so sweet.

Johnny, don't you have

something to say?

Thank you.

Don't mention it.

- Ha ha ha.

- I swear to God it's true.

No, no, no. No. No.

Thank you, honey.

No, I don't believe you.

You did not beat Santa Claus up.

- Stop it.

- I was 7 years old at the time.

And some kids at school told me

that there's no Santa Claus.

Uh-huh?

Well, on Christmas Eve

when I come downstairs...

and see some guy messing around

under the Christmas tree...

I go to my dad's closet...

- and get a three wood--

- Oh, no!

And next thing you know,

Uncle Bob's in the hospital.

No! Oh, poor Uncle Bob.

Ate the entire Christmas dinner

through a straw that year.

- No!

- Yeah.

What a great story.

Well, I guess we'd better

call it a night.

It's good to see you,

Mr. Woodcock.

Well, I guess I could let you

have her for one night, Farley.

Probably good for

the old hip flexor...

to take a night off anyway, huh?

- Jasper!

- Ha ha ha! Yeah.

That was a fun night.

Come on, you guys!

You guys! Ooooohhhhhh! Mmmm!

- I'll call you tomorrow, honey.

- OK.

- Farley.

- Yep.

Mr. Woodcock.

And he is just so easy to be with.

Last month...

we went camping.

- You hate camping.

- I know!

I mean, it was just the 2 of us for 3 days...

and it was heaven.

Ha ha ha. It was great.

Wow.

Johnny, um...

this is really the first guy

since your father...

that... has felt right.

I'll get you some milk.

Oh! Look what I've got.

Chocolate, please.

I had a lot of fat kids over the years.

- This is Johnny.

- A lot of fat kids.

Remember him now?

No. A lot of losers out there, I guess.

Arrgh!

Probably good

for the old hip flexor...

to take a night off anyway, huh?

Ha ha ha!

When did you get here?

About 10 minutes after you said

good night to me.

Not even one chin-up, Farley?

You are a disgrace to fat...

gelatinous, out-of-shape

little kids the world over.

- Can I get a glass of water, please?

- Sure.

Son of a b*tch!

- I'm sorry.

- John Farley?

- Nedderman?

- I can't believe it's really you!

I've read your book like 900 times...

and I'm not just saying this...

it's totally changed my life!

Really? That's great, man.

Hell, yeah.

I work here full-time...

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