Mr. Woodcock

Synopsis: Fatherless John Farley's youth frustration, even trauma, like many his school kids' in his Nebraska small town home, was the constant abuse and humiliation in sadistic Jasper Woodcock's gym class. After college, doting son John became a motivational bestseller author and returns during a book signing tour to receive the backwater's highest honor. To John's horror, his devoted mother Beverly announces her plans to marry the hated coach and he's to be celebrated on the same event as John. Only ridiculous fatso Nedderman and his strange brother try to help Farley stop Woodcock, but that keeps backfiring.
Genre: Comedy, Romance, Sport
Director(s): Craig Gillespie
Production: New Line Cinema
Rotten Tomatoes:
87 min


What is this?


Good hands, Nedderman.

Take a lap.

By itself, a basketball

is just a round sack of air.

Like many of you.

But in the hands of

someone properly trained...

in its use and skilled in its art...

this ball can do great things.

Oates, I can hear you

wheezing from here.

Take a lap. Lose the asthma.

To survive

outside these walls...

you need more than

just math and science.

The world does not stop...

for people who can spell

fancy words...

or tell you

the capital of Montana.

The capital of Montana, Watson?

- Helena?

- Who cares? Take a lap.

The only thing that matters

in this world, ladies, is strength.

Strength of body

and strength of mind.

Now if you're not

strong enough...

by the time you leave

these doors...

you may as well give up

and go home to your mommas.

Or grandma.

Put your hand down, Lewis.

We all know your parents died.

Give it a rest.

- Oh!

- Pick up the pace, Nedderman.

Well, Farley, it looks like you

forgot your gym clothes again.

No, sir, somebody--

It's a rhetorical question,


- What?

- It's a rhetorical question.

That means you don't have

to answer it.

Because either

I already know the answer...

or I don't care

what your answer is.

You see, in my class, Farley...

everyone is required to wear

regulation gym shorts and shirt.

Gutierrez, go get the rentals.

Start changing.

- No, in line.

- What?

See, the locker room

is reserved...

for people who brought

the appropriate attire.

- You change here.

- It's OK, John. Be strong.

No talking, Nedderman. 10 laps.

Take Wheezy with you.

Come on, let's go.

The rentals, Farley,

that's 25 cents.

- But somebody stole my--

- l--I didn't ask you a question, Farley.

- Not even a rhetorical one.

- Uh...

It seems to me

that someone needs a lesson...

in personal responsibility.

Not even one chin-up,


Can't hang on!

You are a disgrace to fat...

gelatinous, out-of-shape

little kids the world over.

I don't tolerate losers

in my gymnasium.

- Are you gonna be a loser?

- No, sir.

Rhetorical, Farley.

I already know the answer.

Heads up, Nedderman.


Don't you even think

about letting go.


- You guys ready to let go?

- Yeah!

All right!

- Mr. Farley?

- Oh, sure. How you doing?

- All right, what's your name?

- Scott.

John, you don't have

time for this.

- Oh...

- Bye-bye.

I'm sorry, guys.

- Keep letting go.

- John! John!

OK, now remember they're

all potential stalkers.

Most want an autograph

and a handshake...

but some of them want an

autograph and a handshake...

and then they want to

take you home, tie you up...

and saw your feet off.

- Well, hi there.

- John Farley.

Your book saved my life.

I didn't do anything.

You did it.

All I did was

give you the raft.

- You had to inflate it yourself.

- Mm-hm.

Mr. Farley, I used to feel

ostracized because of my weight.

But with your help I'm starting

to get my self-confidence back.

Ha! That's a great story.

Why don't you check out

the free coffee and donuts?


By letting go, do you mean we

should just forget everything?

My mom said he wouldn't drink

so much...

if he could just forget about that summer

in Uncle Lou's house.

Well, we all have

an Uncle Lou.

And we all drink

for different reasons.

Long day.

I don't even think I can hold

a pen anymore.

Let me give you the same advice

I gave Nelson Mandela...

on his last book tour.

Quit whining, you pussy.

- That's helpful.

- You have no idea...

the stuff that

I am saving you from.

Some shithole in Nebraska

wanted to give you...

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Michael Carnes

Michael Page Carnes (1950) is an American composer of contemporary classical music. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Mr. Woodcock" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 25 Nov. 2020. <>.

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