Monkey Business Page #5

---

LUCILLE:
Brown eyes.

[Groucho exclaims]

[Upbeat instrumental music]

Sir, this is an outrage,

breaking into a man's home.

There'll be a letter about this in

the Times tomorrow morning.

Yeah?

But you won't read it,

'cause I'm gonna lay you out pretty.

You're gonna lay me out pretty?

That's the thanks I get

for freeing an innocent girl...

who, although she is hiding

at the moment...

has promised to become

the mother of her children.

And with that, sir, I bid you a fond farewell.

Good day, sir.

Good day.

Come out of there. I want to talk to you.

I'm sorry, but we're using

the old-fashioned iceman...

and we find him very satisfactory

for keeping the house warm.

Just as I thought, you're yellow,

grabbing at a woman's skirts.

- I'm wise.

- You're wise?

What's the capital of Nebraska?

What's the capital

of the Chase National Bank? Give up?

Now, I'll try you on an easy one.

How many Frenchmen can't be wrong?

- I know...

- You were warm and so was she.

Don't be discouraged.

With a little study you'll go a long way.

- And I'd wish you'd start now.

- Do you see this gat?

Cute, isn't it? Santa Claus bring it

for Christmas? I got a fire engine.

Listen, mug. Do you know who I am?

Don't tell me.

Are you animal or vegetable? Animal.

- Get this. I'm Alky Briggs.

- And I'm the fellow who talks so much.

Fancy meeting you here

after all these drinks.

- Wait a minute.

- Sorry, I can't stay.

The captain's waiting to chase me.

You can stay, all right,

until I finish with you.

Alky, darling, please!

Don't "darling" me.

Get in that next room and stay there!

Get in that next room.

I'm not good enough for her, am I?

Is there anything you've got to say

before I drill you?

- Yes, I'd like to ask you one question.

- Go ahead.

Do you think that girls think less of a boy

if he lets himself be kissed?

Don't you think that although

girls go out with boys like me...

they always marry the other kind?

If you're gonna kill me, hurry up.

I have to take my tonic at 2:00.

I can use a guy with your nerve.

I think we could get along well together.

Of course, the first year we might have

our little squabbles.

But, then, that's inevitable, don't you think?

And what do you want here?

I was just looking for him.

Do you know this guy?

I've known him for years.

He used to live in the next barrel to me.

I see. The stowaways.

I can help you bozos.

- Mr. Bozos to you.

- All right, Mr. Bozo. And you can help me.

I'm shorthanded,

and I want to get a guy on this boat.

It's too late to get him on now.

Should've said so before we sailed.

Listen. This is a map of B Deck.

There's Joe Helton's stateroom.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes