MoDeRn WaRfArE 2 Page #3

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PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

Why the hell do I have to do everything anyway?

SERGEANT FOLEY:

Hey, I'm being voiced by Keith David, I can't take any risks. Who's voicing you?

PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

(Embarrassed)

No one.

SERGEANT FOLEY:

There you go.

They push through a SUBURB where RUSSIAN SOLDIERS are occupying people’s houses so they can RAID THEIR FRIDGES.

GENERAL SHEPHERD

Sergeant Foley, your orders are to go to some important guy’s house and extract him safely from his panic room.

At the target house, they find the guy DEAD next to a MYSTERIOUS BRIEFCASE.

PRIVATE RAMIREZ:

Hmm, this is all very intriguing and suspicious. I wonder what the ramifications of this are.

DEVELOPER INFINITY WARD

Nothing, basically. We’re going to leave this plot thread dangling and move on to another one.

And sure enough...

INT. RUSSIAN GULAG - DAY

TASK FORCE 141 learns that VLADIMIR MAKAROV was bullied in high school, so they extract the bully from a RUSSIAN GULAG to draw him out. It turns out to be CAPTAIN PRICE, which comes as NO SURPRISE, because his VOICE ACTOR had already mentioned his involvement.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

I've been imprisoned here for five years. Give me a second to recover my sanity.

(Beat)

Okay, I'm good. Now I'd like to commandeer a Russian nuclear submarine.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

What for?

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Not telling. It's a surprise.

CAPTAIN MACTAVISH

Good enough for me. Let's go!

EXT. SUBMARINE BASE - DAY

CAPTAIN PRICE leads ROACH through a SNOWY FOREST, copying everything from THAT ONE SNIPER MISSION IN THE PREVIOUS GAME.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Soap, follow me.

ROACH:

Soap? Who the hell is that?

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Sorry, Roach. You guys change around so often, it's hard to keep track.

They infiltrate the BASE by blowing up EVERYTHING. CAPTAIN PRICE works his way into the SUBMARINE.

CAPTAIN PRICE:

Now I'm going to launch a nuke at Washington D.C., which I can apparently do all by myself without any higher authority signing off on it. The Russian nuclear capability is clearly being managed by a bunch of morons.

ROACH:

Okay, this is starting to make less and less sense.

DEVELOPER INFINITY WARD

Well, basically we all submitted one cool set piece we wanted to see in the game and then we strung those together into a disjointed and nonsensical plot. Time for the nuke part!

CAPTAIN PRICE pushes a BIG RED BUTTON and launches a NUCLEAR MISSILE.

EXT. WASHINGTON D.C. - NIGHT

The NUKE is detonated in the SKY because of CAPTAIN PRICE'S SHEER BADASSERY. Its EMP BLAST disables all electronic equipment in WASHINGTON D.C., which causes A F***ING RAIN OF HELICOPTERS.

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