Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates Page #6

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and I make-up stuff

that couldn't possibly be true.

Baby, you can do this.

Let's practice, okay?

Okay.

- Um, what do you like to do?

- Drink.

Just sweet teas.

Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps.

All right, straight up,

you don't have to do an accent.

I was doing an accent?

And definitely don't bring up blimps.

Sh*t! They're leaving.

If it was a competition, I won it.

All right, don't worry.

It's all part of the plan.

- Is it?

- Oh, yeah.

What does that mean? What plan?

I don't know this part of the plan...

Whoa! Ahh!

Oh, f***!

Tatiana! Oh!

Holy sh*t.

Babe. Are you okay?

I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!"

She can't breathe!

She can't breathe! Somebody help her!

Somebody give her CPR!

- She can't breathe!

- I know CPR!

- Great!

- I was a volunteer EMT!

Hey, don't worry.

My brother's got this, okay?

I took a class. I know what I'm doing.

- She has a weak heart!

- Ma'am?

- Ma'am?

- She has a weak heart.

I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically.

I'm here to save your f***ing life, okay?

- She's my only friend!

- That's her only friend, Mike!

We got a pulse! Okay.

Don't let her die!

Don't you f***ing let her die, Mike!

Just shut the f*** up, Dave!

You, too, shut up!

Both of you, shut up! Okay?

I'm gonna save her life!

Plug the nose.

Oh!

Are you okay?

I am now.

- I saved her life!

- She's okay!

- She's okay?

- I saved her life!

Thank you! Thank you!

- You're under arrest.

- She hit my car!

No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really.

It happens all the time.

That was a vicious hit.

We should take you to the hospital.

It's crazy.

It's almost like I owe you my life.

- Almost.

- Yeah. Technically, yeah.

- Let me help you with that ice.

- I do.

Oh, no.

Seems like it's going pretty well

with your guy.

Dude, I'm f***ing crushing it! So hard!

Check this out. The kids in my class

are gonna love this story.

I'm a school teacher.

You're a school teacher? Wow.

Oop. I think they spelt "frittata"

wrong on the menu.

I always notice words and spelling...

because I'm a teacher...

and that's what I do.

- That's...

- So, Alice, um, what do you do?

Manage a hedge fund.

You manage a hedge fund?

I don't even know what a hedge fund is.

Oh. So there's a regular fund,

and then there's a hedge fund.

And our fund...

Uh, we hedge it.

We hedge it hard.

Oh, wow.

I get in, in the morning, and I'm like...

"How's the hedging coming?

You been hedging? You hedged much?"

And it's like, too big to fail.

Corporate greed, bailouts.

In a New York minute,

everything can change.

On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N.

And then, Fannie Mae.

Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley...

- Alice, you want some water?

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