Men at Work Page #5

Everybody wants

everything to be nice and civil.

Well, OK, then. Let's be nice. Let's be civil.

Drop those guns before I pull this trigger

and change the way you feel about me.

Will the officer to the rear of the truck

kindly drop his revolver as well?

You know, you cops must really think

I'm as dumb as you look.

Now, don't you know that

when a flashlight hits the cement,

it makes a completely

different sound than a revolver?

Let's be good boys,

and do exactly as I say.

OK, now, I want Mr. Sneaky Man to come

around and join his partner, Mr. Bonehead.

Sorry, guys.

You will swing for this, James.

I sh*t you not!

I don't know, boys, but they look

pretty goddamn sweet to me.

What do you think?

What do you think?

How you doing?

I'm OK.

I think my body's gone into shock

from all the alcohol.

I'd like to sit down, actually.

What was that for?

You didn't like it.

No, I liked it... a lot.

Then shut up.

It feels like we're drivin' in circles.

Carl could be anywhere.

You want some?

Promise you're not gonna scream

and cry if I take that gag off?

Now, if you're lyin',

Louis'll have to bash you.

You do understand, don't you?

Thank you. Thank you.

- It needs sugar.

- What?

Nothing.

It's not lookin' too good, is it?

- You givin' up?

- I never give up.

I never have. Never once, James.

I'm gonna take us back

along the esplanade.

- Feels like a long shot to me.

- At this point, everything's a long shot.

I can't see anything.

Frost, gimme some light.

This is just a little uncool, Luzinski.

Our brouhaha is with Carl,

not with the chick.

I'm just makin' a simple adjustment -

nothing major.

Shake 'em up a little bit.

Now, can I have some light, please?

Thank you.

- Come on, come on. Hurry up.

- Oh, yeah.

Now let's find James, and teach

that simple bastard a lesson too.

Hiya, kids. Are we having fun?

- Ted, what's happening?

- Who the hell are you?

Hey, shut up, you!

What the hell is that?

- It's a Taser.

- A what?

A Taser. 65,000 volts of electricity.

It completely incapacitates the victim

without killing him. I got it on sale.

Let's move it. Let's go.

Put your hands up.

Ted, you should do something.

If you come up with any ideas,

please let me know.

We have the right to know

what's going on.

Hey, put a cork in it, sister.

You have no more rights.

And you, buying a goddamn laser gun.

- Taser.

- Whatever.

- You've always gotta be so different.

- I'm in no mood. Just lay off.

- No, you gotta be creative.

- I said lay off.

When I say "now", start running.

You're an amazing man.

You know sh*t about absolutely nothing.

Now I've just heard everything.

Hold it, honey.

You listen to me, you Italian

son of a b*tch, and you listen good.

The day you tell me I don't know sh*t

and I let you get away with it

- is the day that that ocean freezes over.

- That's it. You're over.

Now!

- That's my car!

- Looks pretty undriveable. Come on!

Come on, let's go!

Ted!

- Ted, what the hell's going on?

- I left out a couple of things about myself.

- I'm waiting, you son of a b*tch.

- First, my name isn't Ted. It's Carl.

From now on when you yell for me

in a panic, yell Carl.

There's more?

Last night you and Jack Berger

had a fight in your apartment.

How the hell could you

have possibly known that?

Look, Susan, I don't live in your building.

I am a garbageman.

I live across the street from you.

I have been watching you

every day for six weeks.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute.

You have been spying on me?

- I don't really consider it spying.

- What do you consider it?

Let me finish! You and Jack

had a fight, you left angry.

The next morning

I found Berger's body in the trash.

- Jack's body?

- Somebody killed him, Susan.

- For a while I thought it was you.

- Jack is not dead.

- Jack was at my apartment last night.

- Trust me, Jack is dead.

Jack came over because

there was some mix-up with a tape

and I went down to my car to get

the right tape and... The tape, the tape.

This is what had Jack so worked up.

We gotta get this to the police.

- What the hell was that for?

- For lying to me. I hate liars!

Hates liars?

That's for spying on me!

Come on!

What happened?

It was something.

You got struck by lightning.

- Really?

- A freak storm.

- Police!

- Thank God.

- Police!

- Hello!

Over here, by the playground.

Ew.

Sorry, guys.

Wait! It's not what it looks like.

Please, give us a hand.

No, I'm really not into it, but thanks.

Carl! Come on, Carl. Everything

I ever said about you, just kidding.

He was.

You're not really gonna leave us here,

are you? That would be...

- Come on, come on, already!

- About a thousand keys here.

- Try this one.

- I'm trying.

Hey, hey, hey!

- I got it!

- Look out.

It's my turn, a**hole!

- What is he doing?

- What are you doing?

- I'm crashing!

- Down!

I'm back.

Let's go, honey.

Chief, we got 'em. We found 'em.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Maxwell Potterdam the third.

Maybe you've heard of me. California

magazine just did a piece on me.

With the exception of being

misquoted several times,

I thought it was a pretty good article.

Anyway, all that is... unimportant.

This... is what's important.

Let's put these folks in the car

and go someplace a little more noisy.

Come on, move it.

Hey.

That's them. Getting into that limo.

- What the hell's goin' on?

- I don't know, but we're gonna find out.

I knew this was gonna get heavy.

A lot of good this thing is gonna do us.

A pellet gun? You've been holding me

hostage all night with an air rifle?

- Shut up.

- This is too much.

We gotta find a way in there.

I... I got a plan.

That oughta do them.

I would love to see

those bastards try and top this.

I would pay a million pesos to see their

faces when they try to stop this baby.

Hey, pal, the next time

we see Carl and James,

it's gonna be Walt

handing them their walking papers.

Somebody's coming.

Come on!

- Come on, move it. Get up there.

- OK, I'm going.

We do live in extraordinary times.

The lengths one has to go

to get the job done.

You're destroying the environment

and you don't even care.

How do you do it?

How do you live with yourself?

Gentlemen.

Although I'd prefer to dump you

along with the rest of this waste

at the bottom of the Pacific,

recent disruptions in our operation

have created a problem,

and now the Las Playas landfill

will become your final resting place.

- Buried alive?

- Not to worry.

You'll probably run out of oxygen

before we reach the dump site.

Seal 'em up.

No!

Hold on, everyone!

Hey!

Something's wrong. We're not stopping.

- What?

- We're not stopping!

Aaargh!

- What the hell was that?

- Move your ass and find out.

No, you two stay.

I want those barrels sealed. You two.

- Everybody all right?

- Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

Get off of me.

Come on, let's go.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

I am not some kind of comic-book

superhero. I'm a pizza man.

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