Maz Jobrani: Brown and Friendly Page #3

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YOU'RE THE BRAINS

OF THE OPERATION!

YOU CAN'T MESS IT UP!"

AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED,

IF I WERE IRAN,

I WOULD HAVE JUST CHANGED

MY NAME BACK THEN.

I WOULD HAVE CALLED

A PRESS CONFERENCE, BE LIKE,

"THANK YOU FOR COMING,

L.A. TIMES, NEW YORK TIMES,

TIME MAGAZINE.

THANK YOU FOR COMING.

WE HAVE A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMEN TO MAKE.

STARTING TODAY,

IRAN IS NOW 'CANADA.'"

"AND IRAQ IS THAT WAY."

"JUST TAKE THE 10,

KEEP GOING EAST.

KEEP GOING EAST.

KEEP GOING."

FROM IRAN, BUT I LOVE THE FAC THAT IT'S A MIXED CROWD.

THAT'S WHAT IT'S ABOUT.

IN AMERICA,

WE MIX IT UP, WE MIX IT UP.

AND I ACTUALLY -- I MIXED IT UP.

I GOT MARRIED TO SOMEBODY

FROM ANOTHER ETHNICITY.

I GOT MARRIED TO AN

INDIAN WOMAN, AN INDIAN WOMAN.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

GIVE IT UP. SURE.

YEAH, THANK YOU.

I GOT TO SAY, NOT INDIAN LIKE,

"WHOO WHOO WHOO,"

BUT INDIAN LIKE --

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

YEAH, NOT CASINO INDIAN --

COMPUTER INDIAN,

COMPUTER INDIAN.

YEAH, NOT LIKE

ONE LITTLE, TWO LITTLE,

THREE LITTLE INDIAN

BUT DANG, DA-DA-DANG,

DA-DA-DANG, DA-DA-DANG DANG

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

I MARRIED TECH SUPPORT.

I MARRIED TECH SUPPORT.

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

BEST MOVE I EVER MADE.

BEST MOVE.

ANYTIME I HAVE:

A COMPUTER PROBLEM --

"HONEY, WINDOWS XP

ISN'T WORKING" --

SHE'S LIKE,

"I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT!"

YOU KNOW?

SHE DOES.

SO SWEET!

ALWAYS ASKS ME:

THE SAME QUESTION.

ALWAYS, SHE GOES,

"DID YOU REBOOT THE COMPUTER?

REBOOT THE COMPUTER!

YEAH, BOOT, BOOT, REBOOT.

BOOT, BOOT, REBOOT.

DON'T REBOOT, BOOT, BOOT.

BOOT, BOOT, REBOOT.

BOOT, BOOT, REBOOT.

HAR DA DA, DAR DAR,

DA DA DAR DAR DAR!"

I'M KIDDING.

SHE DOESN'T TALK LIKE THAT.

SHE DOESN'T. SHE GREW UP HERE.

BUT THAT'S A FUN ACCENT TO DO.

ANYTIME YOU FEEL SAD,

JUST GO, "HAR DA DA DAR!"

IT'LL CHEER YOU UP.

SWEAR TO GOD.

GUYS, YOU EVER COME HOME

LATE ONE NIGHT,

YOUR LADY'S LIKE,

"WHERE WERE YOU?"

BE LIKE, "HAR, DA DA DAR!

DA DA DAR DAR DAR!"

SHE'LL BE LIKE,

"OH, HAPU, COME ON IN.

COME ON IN."

TRUTH BE TOLD, MY WIFE -- LEAS TECH-SAVVY INDIAN IN THE WORLD.

YEAH. I GOT A DEFECTIVE INDIAN.

MESSED UP.

DIDN'T EVEN KEEP THE RECEIPT.

I CAN'T RETURN HER.

NO, NO, NO.

I WOULD NEVER FILE FOR DIVORCE.

I WOULD NEVER FILE FOR DIVORCE

'CAUSE I LOVE MY WIFE.

I LOVE MY WIFE.

NEVER FILE --

-WHOO!

THANK YOU, YES.

THAT'S RIGHT.

THAT'S RIGHT.

ALSO, I'M A COMEDIAN,

AND SHE'S A LAWYER.

WHO'S GONNA WIN THAT ONE,

RIGHT?

HER CLOSING ARGUMEN WOULD BE LIKE, "HAR DA DAR DA."

BE LIKE, "YOU WIN, YOU WIN."

NO, MAN, IT'S --

IT'S -- IT'S A GREAT THING, MAN.

BEING MARRIED TO HER IS GREAT.

THE ONE THING, THOUGH,

IS SHE IS NOT TECH SAVVY,

AND THIS IS HOW:

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