Mascots Page #3

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with a T-shirt cannon or a beach ball.

And I'm doing a pratfall,

or I'm, like, pretending

to grab the ref's butt

and turning around and acting all coy.

And that's when

the crowd is starting to laugh

and they're starting to get enthusiastic.

For me, it is that sound.

The sound of that crowd.

You can't really hear it inside the head,

but you can hear that there is a sound.

And for me, the sound of that sound...

that is the greatest sound in the world.

Well, this is my playground.

Isn't this something?

This right here is where

all the mascots are gonna be performing.

We're gonna have a judges' table

set up right over that way.

And then, of course,

the audience is over here.

A thousand seats,

and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised

if we sell out this year.

Wow!

Uh, how high is this ceiling?

What do you think?

Just guesstimate?

Don't know. I'm not in that business.

Maybe 200 feet?

I'm in the business

of "it needs to be higher," though.

Hello, there. I'm Upton French.

I'm the program manager

of the Gluten Free Channel,

which is on your basic-tier cable package

that runs in over two cities nationwide.

Um...

The channel's owned by Panorama Datacom,

and I've done a bunch of shows for them,

starting with the sailing networks,

SN1 and 2.

SN1 went under, as it were.

You may remember,

it was a live television event.

We did Santa's Rocking Holiday Regatta,

and the boat carrying Santa Claus turtled,

and Santa just went right down.

He was gone,

and we never really lived down the name

the Channel That Killed Santa Claus.

But I licked my wounds.

I just kept going.

FRC was next,

the Fence and Railing Channel.

We did have

a very good-looking pole driver on there,

a very messy personal life

and a terrible driving record,

and then those things

generally play well with women.

- We love the bad boys.

- Yeah, do you?

- We love the bad boys.

- Isn't she funny?

Anyway, on from there,

we went to the Varicose Vein Channel,

which I had a big, uh--

a big success with.

Pulled in some very big numbers

on a special I ran

called Do the Backs of My Legs

Look Like Waffles?

That brings me up to the day

that I met this one here.

Well, I'm Jessica Mundt,

and I'm a junior executive

at the Gluten Free Channel.

And I am under this man's wing.

He's showing me the ropes.

I've never been out and about

like this before.

In the field.

So, I'm really

enjoying it quite a bit.

Uh, this guy picked me up.

I was working at the Elevator Channel.

Before that, I was a PA

on the hit show Does That Smell Normal?

-Does this smell normal?

-I can't tell.

Really,

everybody involved in that production

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