Synopsis: A look into the world of competitive mascots.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Christopher Guest
Production: Netflix
  1 nomination.
Rotten Tomatoes:
89 min


Okay, let's see what we have.


Well, that is

one completely normal knee.

Just stay off of it

for a couple of days...

- Okay.

- ...and you'll be back to your old self.

-So, nothing serious?

-Nothing serious.


It's just a little strain and, uh-- Yeah.

When you go out there,

you wanna give it your all,

but you know,

you can go too far and then--

You just never know

if it's-- if it's your day.

Uh, at the game, I could feel that I

cranked it coming off the mini tramp,

-and I knew-- I thought--

-I was at the game.

And I--

-You were at the game?

-I was. I was.

You're a Herons fan?

-Herons all the way.

-Wow! All right.

-Great work, by the way.

-Thank you.

Both of you. Really enjoy it.

-What are you doing?

-You just had a piece of fuzz in your--

Okay, but you can tell me

with your mouth and not your hands.

- Okay. Well, you can also relax.

- Okay.

Just a little bit.

- For heaven's sakes.

- All right. Do you--

do you prescribe antidepressants?

Mascotting is not unlike a marriage

- in that it's about cooperation...

- Mm-hmm.

-'s about listening.

- Yeah.

Even if people are screaming

at you, you're not allowed to talk.

-And that's a good lesson for a marriage.


Fun story. Initially, we were going to be,

uh, Kevin the Killer Whale

and Tammy Turtle,

but then we discovered

that the killer whale is the natural enemy

of the turtle.


-And they'll...

You know, they'll just pop 'em open

like a pistachio.

Oh, it's like a special treat

for them, yeah.

Yeah, and they'll toy with them

for a half hour,

-and then just break their necks.


So, we had to switch it up.

Sometimes not even to eat 'em.

Just-- just for fun.

-It's a sadistic thing.


It's one of the few instances

of sadism in the animal world.

So, we thought,

"Well, that's not gonna work for--"

-"That doesn't fit."

-"It's not for the families."

And we don't just work together

on the field.

We are off the field over

at Rhea Perlman Middle School,

where we are both teachers.

Yeah, and they say that

those who can't do, teach,

and those who can't teach, teach gym,

and those who can't teach gym,

teach driver's ed.

But, uh, joke's on them

because I teach gym and driver's ed.

- I teach English.

- Yeah.

Maybe just up a little bit higher.

There you go.

Up, up, up, up, up and stop.

I have been running on fumes.

I've been running around

like a chicken with my head cut off,

and I think I've had maybe, oh...

ten hours' sleep this entire week.

But it's all gonna be worth it

the second the first mascot

walks through these doors.

We give away three Fluffy Awards

or, as we like to call them, "Fluffies."

Bronze Fluffy,

Silver Fluffy and Gold Fluffy.

And believe me, every mascot knows

just how important those awards can be,

because if one of the winners were

to sign a major league contract,

and it is possible that could happen,

they could quite possibly

end up making a six-figure salary

by this time next year.

Mascots are coming

from every place you can imagine.

Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky...


Oregon, Texas, New Mexico,

Georgia, Florida...

and then some other states, too.

Wyoming, Utah...

and several, several countries.

This year is especially important

because the Gluten Free Channel is sending

two executives to watch our show

and determine whether or not they want

to have it on television.

And if that happens, well...

it's like a whole new level.

Hello, uh, I'm Owen Golly Jr.

Um, I'm a third-generation

mascot and butcher.

-Uh, this is my wife, Sarah Golly.

Rate this script:(0.00 / 0 votes)

Christopher Guest

Christopher Haden-Guest, 5th Baron Haden-Guest (born February 5, 1948), usually simply known as Christopher Guest, is a British-American screenwriter, composer, musician, director, actor, and comedian who holds dual British and American citizenship. Guest is most widely known in Hollywood for having written, directed and starred in his series of comedy films shot in mock-documentary (mockumentary) style. Many scenes and character backgrounds in Guest's films are written and directed, although actors have no rehearsal time and the ensemble improvise scenes while filming them. The series of films began with This Is Spinal Tap (directed by Rob Reiner), and continued with Waiting for Guffman, Best In Show, A Mighty Wind, For Your Consideration, and Mascots. Guest holds a hereditary British peerage as the 5th Baron Haden-Guest, and has publicly expressed a desire to see the House of Lords reformed as a democratically elected chamber. Though he was initially active in the Lords, his career there was cut short by the House of Lords Act 1999, which removed the right of most hereditary peers to a seat in the parliament. When using his title, he is normally styled as Lord Haden-Guest. Guest is married to the actress and author Jamie Lee Curtis. more…

All Christopher Guest scripts | Christopher Guest Scripts

FAVORITE (0 fans)

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:



    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)


    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:


    "Mascots" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 15 Apr. 2021. <>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    The Marketplace:

    Sell your Script !

    Get listed in the most prominent screenplays collection on the web!


    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.

    Thanks for your vote! We truly appreciate your support.