Synopsis: Neil Baldwin, born just after World War II, is considered to have learning difficulties but he has an appetite for life and, encouraged by his mother Mary, leaves his butchery job to join the circus as Nello the Clown, being undaunted when the circus moves on without him. He moves to Keele University, where Mary has a cleaning job, appointing himself the unofficial greeter to new students, a role rewarded by an honorary degree in 2013. He also gets to manage its unofficial football team, named after him, and in 1992 talks his way into becoming the kit man and mascot of his beloved football team Stoke City. For Neil there are no boundaries - his interest in religion leads to his becoming a lay preacher whilst he presents himself at the House of Commons for tea with MP Tony Benn and at Cambridge University, where he strikes up a friendship with Prince Andrew, which results in his being on the queen's Christmas card list. With his indomitable attitude overcoming early set-backs and the de
Genre: Drama
Director(s): Julian Farino
  10 wins & 2 nominations.
90 min

This is my story.


My, my, my, Delilah.

Why, why, why, Delilah?

I could see that girl was no good for me

but I was lost like a slave

that no man could free.

I saw the light on the night

that I passed by her window.

I saw the flickering shadow

of love on her blind.

She was my woman.

As she betrayed me I watched

and went out of my mind.

My, my, my, Delilah.

Why, why, why, Delilah?

I could see that girl was no good for me

but I was lost like a slave

that no man could free.

At break of day when that man

drove away, I was waiting.

I crossed the street to her

house and she opened the door.

She stood there laughing.

I felt the knife in my hand

and she laughed no more.

My, my, my, Delilah.

Why, why, why, Delilah?

So before they come to

break down the door

forgive me Delilah,

I just couldn't take any more.

Mr Capello?

Mr Capello, my pay's short.

Well, you're short so now you match.

I mean, it's supposed to

be 25 and it's not 25.

- So sue me.

- It's supposed to be 25 and it's not.

You're more than welcome to go and

see if Zippo's will pay you any more.

Now, beggar off. We're on.

Well, what about... cooking?

Cooking? Definitely no cooking.

What, no cooking?

I told you!

No cooking even with a frying pan?

I told you, no cooking!

Alright, it's a deal. No cooking.

Alright, now f*ck off.

Nello, ladies and gentlemen!

Can I help you?

Yes, I'm a friend of the Bishop.

And... which Bishop would that be?

Bishop of Keele. Bishop of Lichfield.

And the Archbishop of Canterbury

is also a very good friend of mine.

Could you give me a lift?

Of course, of course.

Where would you need a lift to, exactly?


Right. Well, that's quite a drive!

It is, yes. Thank you.

- I didn't necessarily say that I'd...

- Have you had your breakfast?

- I have indeed.

- Oh. I haven't.

Very nice of you to ask. Thanks.




Ok, thank you.

I can take you as far as Dumfries

and then your mum has arranged for your

local vicar to come and get you from there.


You've got a tow bar, haven't you?

A tow bar?

Why would I need a tow bar?

Is there any more toast?

Should he be wandering around

the country on his own like this?

He's clearly got special

needs of some sort.

Well, he doesn't have much

trouble finding help.

In fact, he seems positively

blessed in that regard.

Is he in the habit of doing this?

Well, he does seem to view the Church

as being some sort of ecclesiastical AA.


He says he's a good friend

of the Bishop of Lichfield.

Yes, that's true.

And the Archbishop of Canterbury.

Well, if Neil says he knows someone,

then he usually does.

How does he get to know them?

By being Neil.


Oh, that's quite alright.

Er, would you mind signing

this before you go?

A Bible?

Are you sure? Slightly irregular.


No, not the front.

Er, that's for Bishops and Archbishops.

There's space above that

for regular clergy.


So there is.

I've got them all in there.

Desmond Tutu, Terry Waite...

Rowan Williams, Jimmy Greenhoff...

I wasn't aware Jimmy

Greenhoff had been ordained!

He hasn't.

He scored 76 goals in 274

games for Stoke City.

- He was marvellous.

- Right, right, well...

There you are.

Thanks. Thank you.

Your mum'll be pleased to see you.

I bet she will.

I'll be pleased to see her.

The truth is,

she's not been so well lately.


And I know it's hard to

think about these things

but your mum's not getting any younger.

No, she's not.

None of us are.

And that's life.

So we have to make the most of it.

Hiya, Mum.

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Peter Bowker

Peter Bowker (born 1958) is a British playwright and screenwriter. He is best known for the television serials Blackpool (2004), a musical drama about a shady casino owner; Occupation (2009), which follows three military servicemen adjusting to civilian life after a tour of duty in Iraq; and Desperate Romantics (2009), a biographical drama about the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood. In 2007, he adapted Blackpool for CBS as Viva Laughlin. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018


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"Marvellous" STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 24 Jan. 2020. <>.

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