Man on the Moon Page #6

Andy triumphantly eats a bean. George peers, unable to take

the booger anymore. He hands Andy a napkin and points to

his nose. Andy nods, removes the rubber booger, and

carefully puts it in a little box.

ANDY (cont'd)

After I'm famous, I can sell these

as "Worn by Andy Kaufman."

And at that... George is won over. He smiles broadly.

GEORGE:

You're insane.

(then sincere)

But -- you might also be brilliant.

Alright, Andy... let's do it.

George warmly extends his hand.

Andy slowly smiles, then takes George's hand. The men

shake. A moment of supreme importance.

EST. BEVERLY HILLS - DAY

The glitz strip of Los Angeles. Money. Beauty.

INT. SHAPIRO/WEST - DAY

Real working showbiz offices. No glamour at all. It looks

more like an insurance agency.

George sits in his office, reassuring someone on the phone.

GEORGE:

Sammy, opening for David Brenner is

a fine gig. You'll be on the

road... get some exposure...

O.S., a SECRETARY shouts out.

SECRETARY (O.S.)

Tony Clifton on the phone!

GEORGE:

Who?

SECRETARY (O.S.)

He says he's an associate of Andy

Kaufman's.

GEORGE:

Oh.

(back to the phone)

Sammy, think about it. I gotta go.

(he punches a line)

Hello? George Shapiro here.

On the phone, a STACCATO, ABRASIVE NASAL VOICE blares.

TONY CLIFTON (V.O.)

Uh, yeah. Is this GEORGE SHAPIRO?

GEORGE:

(beat)

Er, yes. Speaking.

TONY CLIFTON (V.O.)

"Speaking"! Reeking, seeking,

creaking... Freaking!

George is baffled.

GEORGE:

Can I help you with something?

TONY CLIFTON (V.O.)

Yeah! You stay away from that Andy

Kaufman, if you know what's good for

you!

GEORGE:

(stunned)

Who is this?

TONY CLIFTON (V.O.)

You -- you know damn straight who it

is. Tony Clifton! A name to

respect. A name to fear.

(beat)

Beer. Gear. Deer. Ear.

GEORGE:

Look... I don't know what your

problem is...

TONY CLIFTON (V.O.)

Kaufman's a lying bastard! If you

sign him, I'll RUIN YOU!

CLICK. Clifton hangs up. George is bewildered.

INT. MEDITATION INSTITUTE UNIVERSITY, CLASSROOM - DAY

The light is magical. Soothing SITAR music plays. Andy and

fifteen other BAREFOOT STUDENTS sit on mats in a semi-

circle. Eyes shut, bodies in different yoga positions, they

are all meditating.

Facing them on a throne-like chair sits a reverent, Indian

YOGI. At his feet is the class teacher, LITTLE WENDY, a

teeny lady with an absurdly high-pitched voice.

LITTLE WENDY:

Now, while continuing your deep

breathing, slowly open your eyes.

You should feel rested, relaxed, and

alert.

The students all open their eyes.

YOGI:

Do any thoughts come...?

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