Love Actually Page #5

for God's sake.

[Man]

Raise the lamp a bit.

So, what do you reckon

to our new prime minister, then?

Oh, I like him.

I can't understand why

he's not married, though.

Well, you know the type.

He's, uh, married to his job.

Either that or gay

as a picnic basket.

[Chuckles]

Um, excuse me.

Judy, if you could just

lower the nipples and

cheat them a bit to the left.

Okay.

You know, I have to say, Judy,

this is a real pleasure.

It's lovely to find someone

I can actually chat to.

Thank you.

Uh, well, you know.

And ditto.

Thank you.

- And the move again, please, Judy.

- Oh.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.

Are you all right?

Yeah, fine.

Exciting news.

What?

I've bought a ticket to the States.

I'm off in three weeks.

No!

Yes! To a fantastic place

called Wisconsin.

No!

Yes! Wisconsin babes.

[Honking Horn]

Here comes Sir Colin!

No, Col.

There are a few babes

in America, I grant you,

but they're already going out

with rich, attractive guys.

Now, Tone, you're just jealous.

You know perfectly well

that any bar anywhere in America...

contains ten girls more beautiful...

and more likely to have sex with me

than the whole of the United Kingdom.

That is total bollocks.

You've actually gone mad now.

No, I'm wise.

Stateside, I am Prince William

without the weird family.

No, Colin, no!

Yes!

Nyet.!

Da.!

Nein.!

Ja, darling.

Right, the Christmas party.

Not my favorite night of the year...

and your unhappy job to organize.

Tell me.

Well, it's basic, really.

Find a venue, over order on the drinks,

bulk buy the guacamole...

and advise the girls to avoid Kevin

if they want their breasts un-fondled.

Wives and family and stuff?

Yes. I mean, not children,

but their wives and girlfriends,

et cetera.

Oh, Christ, you haven't got

some horrible six-foot,

tight-T-shirt-wearing boyfriend

you'll be bringing, have you?

No.

I'll just be hanging around

the mistletoe... hoping to be kissed.

Really?

Right.

He now spends

all the time in his room.

I mean, he'll be up there now.

There's nothing unusual about that.

My horrid son...

Bernard?

Bernard stays in his room all the time.

Thank goodness.

Yeah, but, Karen,

this is all the time.

I'm afraid that there's

something really wrong, you know?

I mean, clearly it's about his mum,

but Christ, he...

he might be injecting heroin

into his eyeballs for all I know.

At the age of 11?

Well, maybe not his eyeballs, then.

Maybejust his veins.

You see, the problem is, it was his mum

who always used to talk to him,

you know and...

I don't know,

the whole stepfather thing...

seems suddenly to somehow

matter like it never did before.

Listen, it was always going to be

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