Love Actually Page #4

Not really, Mike.

Christmas is a time for people

with someone they love in their lives.

- And that's not you?

- That's not me, Michael.

When I was young and successful,

I was greedy and foolish.

And now I'm left with no one,

wrinkled and alone.

Wow. Um, thanks for that, Bill.

- For what?

- Well, for actually giving

a real answer to a question.

Doesn't often happen here

at Radio Watford, I can tell you.

- Ask me anything you like,

I'll tell you the truth.

- Uh, best shag you ever had?

- Britney Spears.

- Wow.

No, only kidding.

She was rubbish.

Okay. Um, here's one.

How do you think...

the new record compares

to your old classic stuff?

Oh, come on, Mikey.

You know as well as I do the record's crap.

[Chuckling]

But wouldn't it be great

if number one this Christmas

wasn't some smug teenager,

but an old ex-heroin addict

searching for a comeback at any price?

All those young popsters,

come Christmas Day,

they'll be stretched out naked

with a cute bird balancing on their balls.

And I'll be stuck in some dingy flat

with me manager, Joe,

ugliest man in the world.

F***ing miserable because

our f***ing gamble didn't pay off.

So if you believe in Father Christmas,

children, like your Uncle Billy does,

buy my festering turd of a record.

And particularly enjoy

the incredible crassness of the moment...

when we try to squeeze

an extra syllable into the fourth line.

"Come on and let it snow." Ouch!

So, uh, here it is one more time.

The dark horse for this year's

Christmas number one,

"Christmas Is All Around."

Is the new Prime Minister

in trouble already?

Okay, what's next?

The president's visit.

Ah, yes, yes.

I fear this is going to be

a difficult one to play.

Alex?

There's a very strong

feeling in the party...

we mustn't allow ourselves

to be bullied from pillar to post

like the last government.

Hear. Hear.

This is our first

really important test.

Let's take a stand.

Right.

Right. I understand that,

but I have decided... not to.

Not this time.

We will, of course, try to be clever,

but let's not forget that America

is the most powerful country in the world.

I'm not gonna act like a petulant child.

Who do you have to screw round here

to get a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit?

[All Chuckling]

Right.

[Knocking]

Yeah, come in.

These have just come

through from the Treasury.

- Uh-huh.

- And these are for you.

- Excellent. Thanks a lot.

- I was hoping you'd win.

Not that I wouldn't have been nice to

the other bloke too. Just always given him

the boring biscuits with no chocolate.

Thanks very much.

Thanks, Natalie.

Oh God. Come on. Get a grip.

You're the prime minister,

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