Lost for Life Page #6

in her geometry class

and she said he dressed

like a hippie and she said he

was nice but a little odd.

And then the day of the

murders she said,

"Jacob Ind killed his parents."

And I said, "Is that the kid

you were talking to me about?"

And she said, "Yes." And that's

how Jacob Ind came into my life

because I couldn't get him out

of my mind and I kept thinking,

"What would make a

15-year-old kill his parents?"

He would have us get undressed,

then tie us,

start to masturbate, and after

he was done

he would get dressed

and say,

"You're so f***ing dirty. Go

and take a f***ing shower."

How do you treat a kid like

a piece of sh*t? How do you do

that to him? I can't wrap

my brain around that,

just the cruelty of it.

My mom used to give me

enemas when I

was like four or five years old

for reasons that didn't

make any sense. And when

you think back it's like,

"I don't... that's odd."

In traumatized children,

as they become adolescents,

we often see the remains of

the trauma if it has not

been treated, in the form

of depression, aggression,

somebody does something

to them and having

been victimized before, they

overreact it and harm the person

who victimized them.

My stepdad was the source

of terror, slamming me up

against a wall and telling

me he'd crush my head in.

But that was more

tolerable, really to me,

than the cruelty and

coldness in my mom.

That filled me with more despair

than anything else.

I could put up with getting

beat up. That's nothing;

that hurts a little while

and then it goes away.

But being berated for three

hours at a time,

four hours at a time, being

told how you're worthless,

how you deserved what you got.

When I was a little kid,

and this is when I was

getting molested and

probably the worst abuse,

my mom told me never to tell the

cops anything because if I ever

called the cops they would come

and give them a medal because

I was such a horrible,

rotten kid who deserved

what they gave me.

And that stuck with me.

I spoke up as much as I could.

With as weak as I was

at the time I thought I was

screaming from a mountaintop,

though objectively I was making

tiny whimpers.

But I raised every red flag I

could and no one paid attention.

I don't know; it put me in a

very deep, dark place

where I didn't see an option.

We live in a very, very

conservative community.

A lot of people said, "Well, he

killed them because he didn't

want to take out the trash or

whatever." That is not

what happens in parricide

cases; 90% of these kids

are badly abused.

Jacob tried to get help.

His brother tried to get help.

Nobody listened to them,

so Jacob is serving a life

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