Life as We Know It
[DIGHD]
[KNOCKING]
[DIGHD]
Okay.
-Ehh.
-Hi.
-HoIIy.
-Eric.
-Messer.
-Messer.
-Messer. Yeah. everybody caIIs me Messer.
-WeII. it's nice to finaIIy meet you. Messer.
-Am I Iate?
-Um. just an hour.
But I just finished getting ready.
and AIison said it was your m.o.. so....
-Peter said you'd probabIy say something.
-Ha. ha. Oh. did he? Oh. okay.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
-Neat. DhouId we go?
-Yeah. yeah. Iet's go.
Yeah. Iet's get some dinner.
I'm super hungry. It's been Iike an hour.
HOLLY:
Do I hear you just moved to AtIanta.
MEDDER:
Yep.-Oh.
-How Iong have you known Pete for?
-High schooI.
Oh. wow.
Oh. thank you.
I've known AIison since coIIege.
We were in a sorority together.
-Where's your car?
-Right here.
-Here you go.
-Oh.
Come on.
HoId on tight.
I promise I won't read into it.
[REVVING ENGINE]
-I'm not reaIIy dressed for 40-miIe-an-hour--
-What?
I'm not reaIIy dressed
for 40-miIe-an-hour winds.
[ENGINE DTOPD]
[HOLLY CHUCKLED]
Dorry. I just--
You know. I don't even think
I couId reaIIy get my Ieg up over it. so....
But I'II drive.
My car's right here.
And it's new. so I Iove driving it.
-It's a sweet ride.
-Thanks.
Hop in.
[MEDDER GRUNTD]
AII right.
HOLLY:
Hm.-Huh.
Uh. where did you make the reservations?
That you said you were gonna make.
You didn't make them?
-I said that?
-It's cooI. Whatever.
Yeah. it's cooI.
We can go anywhere. I don't care.
We can-- You pick it.
We'II grab a tabIe
and we'II just sIide right in.
Okay. WeII. how about Cafe Five?
You ever been there?
-Dounds good.
-My friend from cuIinary schooI is the--
TRICK DADDY [DINGING ON RINGTONE]:
Pull over, that ass is too fat
-It's just my ceII phone.
-I figured.
-You can answer it if you--
-No. no. it'II go to voicemaiI.
[RINGTONE CONTINUED]
-Okay.
-Just....
Yeah. weII. I was just saying my friend
from cuIinary schooI is actuaIIy the--
You know what?
Go ahead. just answer it. it's fine.
-I'm-- I can wait.
-AII right. Yeah. It's a IittIe too Ioud.
Hey. you.
WeII. you know me.
aIways in the middIe of something.
Yeah. okay. yeah. EIeven?
Yeah. You know what?
Why don't we make it 10:30?
AII right. AII right. Iater.
Okay.
I'm sorry. it's a.... It's a sick friend.
You know. we don't have to do this.
ReaIIy?
-Okay.
-Oh. my God. are you serious?
Okay. Iet's be honest.
You knew the moment you saw me
you didn't Iike me.
But our mutuaI friends set this up.
so I think we owe it to them to--
To what.
spend a few hours faking smaII taIk?
Look. best case.
we get drunk and we hook up.
What kind of an asshoIe are you?
Look. it's a Daturday night.
I just wanna have some fun.
I can go see my sick friend.
and you can go do...
...whatever it is you Iike to do
on a Daturday night.
You Iook Iike you read.
You can go read a book.
-Do you bIog?
-Do I bIog? Okay. You know what?
If you wanted to ensure that this
wasn't gonna be a Iousy night. here's a tip:
Don't show up an hour Iate.
and don't make a booty caII.
-Dhe's sick.
-Oh. right.
Were you going to heaI her
with your magic penis?
Okay.
-Fine. If you wanna go out. we'II go out--
-Oh. my God. no.
I'm not going out with you now.
What are you. crazy?
Get out of my car.
Get out of my Dmart car.
-I don't know what they were thinking.
-Me neither.
AIison. oh. my God.
The onIy way you can make this up to me...
...is if you promise
I never have to see him again.
[MOTORCYCLE DTARTD]
HOLLY:
ReaIIy. you are Iikethe most important woman in my Iife...
...and AIison is the sister I never had.
And I Iove you so much.
and I'm so gratefuI for you and Peter.
[LAUGHD]
Look at Mess. In back.
MAN:
Nice.WOMAN:
Whoo.[APPLAUDE]
Yeah.
Anyway. I was just trying to say
how excited I am for you--
I Iove you. AIison.
Messer. it's my turn. It's my turn.
You aIready gave your speech.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Are you maid of honor?-Yes.
Can we switch you guys out?
I need you next to the bride.
Get right in here with you guys.
Don't touch me.
I knew you were gonna do that.
-Don't touch me. Don't encourage him.
ALIDON:
Ha-ha-ha!HOLLY:
Dtop it. I swear to God. Dtop.
I'm sorry. I can't stand next to him.
PETER:
Hey. guys.Here we are at the hoIiday party. HoIIy. Ben.
Here you go.
PETER:
How's that first date going. guys?
WAITREDD:
I mean. what reaIIy happened? TeII me.
[MEDDER CHUCKLING]
PETER:
Yo. Mess. Mess.
-Dhe has work to do.
-Dude. Dude.
-HeIp me. Take the camera.
-Give me the camera.
PETER:
Whoa. check it out.
Come here.
Look at AIison's bun in the oven.
Bun in the oven.
Excuse me. guys. AII right? Honey?
MEDDER:
WeII. weII. Iook at that.
-Dhe's my daughter.
MEDDER:
Won't be Iong now.ALIDON:
Don't squeeze the beIIy.
MEDDER:
Hey. HoIIy. What's this?
Come on. just a IittIe Christmas kiss.
Just give him a--
Great. Yay. happy hoIidays.
[MOUTHD]
You are an a**hole.
Hi. baby girI.
Hi. Oh. my gosh.
[DOPHIE COOD]
-Baby.
-Hi.
HoId on. Messer. I just got her.
PETER:
Dhe's with Aunt HoIIy now.-Dude.
-CarefuI. Messer. GentIy.
-I got her. I got her.
-Whoa!
-Oh!
-Honey.
-I'm just pIaying.
PETER:
It's not funny.-Dhe's fine.
-Dhe's Iike a IittIe footbaII.
-WouId you stop it? Messer. Messer.
-Okay.
-Dtop it. seriousIy.
PETER & ALIDON [DINGING]:
Cats have kittens
Doggies have pups
Horses have pretty foals
And sheep have lambs
Cows have calves
And l bet you didn't know
That elephants have calves too
Lions and leopards have cubs
Which is the proper thing for them to do
[COOING]
PETER:
Dhe's gonna bIow if you keepdoing that. Dhe's in a puking phase.
MEDDER:
No. she Ioves it.
Dhe Ioves it. don't you. Doph?
You're the onIy girI I'II ever shave for.
You know that?
Dpeaking of. why didn't Liz come?
I thought you were getting serious.
No. we ended that a few weeks ago.
It wasn't working out.
PETER:
What happened?-I don't know.
I just didn't see us
on that Iong march towards death together.
-Oh. my bad. I thought you Iiked this girI.
-That was you. I just thought she was hot.
Honey. don't forget
to tip the castIe guys.
[TEENAGERD DPEAKING INDIDTINCTLY]
They show up Iate
and made me do the work.
-But. sure. Iet's tip the castIe guys.
TEENAGER:
Grasshopper.to this new famiIy practice.
HOLLY:
Mm-hm.
There's this doctor there. He's so cute.
I may have finaIIy repIaced
-Anyway. I noticed no ring...
-Dcoot.
...so I started a conversation
with his nurse.
-No.
-I pretended to Iike her naiIs.
-No. We agreed to a moratorium on setups.
-How do you know you won't Iike him?
You have the worst
-Like who?
-The shopIifter. AduIt-braces guy.
UnbeIievabIe.
You're stiII hoIding that over me.
I'm not even gonna
get into the Messer DebacIe of '07.
WeII. that was Peter.
I hardIy even knew him then.
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"Life as We Know It" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 4 Oct. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/life_as_we_know_it_12534>.
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