Lenny Page #4

---

Dreck is Yiddish for "sh*t".

- Ouch!

- So he says "OK, why not?"

Three seconds later,

I'm in the toilet... bleurgh!

- All over the suede shoes.

- Leonard!

- Bleurgh!

- Feh!

- Bleurgh!

- Feh!

- "Feh". There it is.

- Hold it! Hold it, the star is on!

Now, listen, I'm up there, see,

and I got the microphone.

I'm saying "Folks, the MC couldn't

make it tonight, blah, blah, blah. "

"But luckily a good friend of mine,

and a funny, funny guy... "

Bullshit. You said "the funniest guy in... "

Ouch. "The funniest guy in the world. "

You're right! Right!

"Leonard Alfred Schneider,

who just flew in from the coast

for the Sullivan Show,

happens to be in the club. "

You dig what she did to me?

My own mother.

I'd never been on the stage in my life,

and now I gotta go and try to be funny.

You were so nervous

that you came rushing out,

and he tripped over the mic cord,

and he knocked us both flat on our asses.

It's true.

It's true. You never heard

such a laugh - mainly her!

So, how long did you two know

each other before you got married?

Yes, we must know the answer!

How long had we known each other

before we got married?

Half an hour. I picked him up on the

D train after he exposed his putz to me.

- Terrific!

- "Putz"?

I love the "putz"! It's terrific.

It's true. Mema, it's true.

I met her on the D train,

and I gave her one of these.

- Feh!

- That's a small "Feh".

Would you like to hear a loud "Feh"?

I went up to her...

- Feh! Feh!

- That's loud. Can I show Sophie?

Sophie! Sophie's her best friend.

Sophie! Mema.

Sophie! This is the way I met my wife!

Mema doesn't like it. I don't understand.

Mema, you used to...

you used to kiss it when I was little.

Oh, Lenny, she's a terrific girl.

There's no bigger test

of how hip you really are

than when your girlfriend

becomes your wife.

Wow. That's a new one. Why?

You're walking around

with your jugs and pupik sticking out,

and guys are sitting out there

watching you with newspapers

and hats in their laps.

You're jealous!

Oh, I like that. I like that.

So I... I thought maybe

we could work something out

that we could do together.

- What, a double act?

- Yeah.

Dig what I mean.

Like, you talk to the average guy, man.

"Hey, look at that chick over there.

I mean, isn't that a pretty chick?"

"Oh, yeah, she's beautiful. "

"She's got a real pretty face,

and nutty jugs. "

- "You'd marry a woman like that?"

- "Yeah, are you kidding me?"

- "And let your wife dress that way?"

- "No. I'd knock her right on her ass. "

"Well, what made you dig her?"

"Well, you know,

her jugs were sticking out. "

- "She can't dress that way now?"

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes