Laid in America Page #4

---

Oh, now this is my fault?

Let's just try to focus on the positives.

As horrific as this image is,

your daughter is a pretty talented artist,

and you should encourage her

to explore her abilities.

She drew a picture of herself murdering us.

Maybe you should've gotten me that iPad

for my birthday.

Uh, Beth, blackmailing your parents

with death threats is not appropriate.

Ugh, nobody gets me!

Why do you have to talk to her like that?

I enjoy it.

Boys.

How does it feel to be done

with high school?

It pretty much feels the same.

Lisa and I would like to take you to Chef

Nelson's Crab Shack tonight for dinner.

Well, and Beth, too.

- Yeah, you shouldn't leave her alone.

- What?

- Uh...

- We...

We kinda have a party tonight.

Oh, my God.

Did you get invited

to Tucker's YouTube party?

Yeah.

Wait, how do you know about that?

Oh, yeah, well, you know,

me and some of the moms,

we have a FaceChat group at the school

where we get together and chat and gossip.

So, Jack, there's a rumor going around that

you have a thing for that Kaylee girl?

Wait. People know I like her?

Oh, my God, yes.

We talk about it all the time.

Ben's mom, Jill's mom,

they're kind of obsessed with you.

You're, like, their favorite couple.

We're, like, rooting for you.

Actually, it is pretty obvious, dude.

Yeah.

Well, you can go to dinner

tonight before, right?

Come on, it's Chef Nelson's.

Best octopus and eight-course meals.

Oh, my God, honey,

they don't wanna eat your stupid octopus.

They've got a huge party tonight

to get ready for.

Tonight's kind of a big night

for you guys, huh?

All right, go do your thing.

- All right.

- Thank you.

But you know what? You have early flights

in the morning, so don't stay out too late.

We won't.

Those are some good boys.

They're just the best.

All my friends f***ed girls

when they studied here,

I'm gonna be the p*ssy of the group.

Oh, man. We gotta find some girls, man.

Why don't you ask Tabitha

to come to the party?

She totally wants your willy.

Tabitha is a complete BLOB.

What's a BLOB?

You know the girl that

you'd never have sex with,

but when the night is coming to an end

and you run out of options,

you start to consider her,

and God, pretty much it's a...

Basic Last Option Bae. BLOB.

You've never had sex.

Yeah, but I've thought about it,

and, oh, no, no, she's definitely a BLOB.

Kaylee gave me her number today.

How long do you think I should wait

before I text her?

I don't know, three hours?

Too late, I already sent it.

Well, let's pretend Kaylee doesn't exist

for two seconds.

Where would you go to find hot girls?

I told you, why don't you bring

the BLOB and one of her friends?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes