Laid in America

Synopsis: Two foreign exchange high-school students are kidnapped during their quest to get laid on their last night in America and it will be the best night of their life.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Sam Milman, Peter Vass
Production: Universal Pictures
85 min

Find a good hiding place.

Good job, boys.

Eye contact is very important

when trying to seduce your partner.

It's the most overlooked step by virgins,

so remember this for your first time.

Yeah, yeah, we get it.

Look at them

before you f*ck their brains out.

Now, can we move on to the sex positions?

'Cause that's what I paid $80 for.

Actually, that's what I paid $80 for.

Yeah, don't worry, Jack.

I'll pay you back, I'll pay you back.

You boys can figure this out later.

Right now, I want you to pretend

that Bailey is a girl from class

that you brought home to your room.

Show me how you would seduce her.

Jack, you go first.

Hey. Hey there, Bailey.

Um, how was school for you today?

For me, it was okay.

I had a stomach ache, though.

But the nurse just said I ate too much.

What are you doing?

Take off your shirt already.

Come on.

Yeah. Yeah.

Sorry my chest is so smooth.

I can't grow any chest hair.

She's losing interest

and is about to call for a ride home.

What are you gonna do to make her stay?

Come on, you've got this, you've got this.

Oh, my fucking God.

Okay, Jack, that's enough.

Not one girl is gonna wanna sleep with you

with that lack of confidence.

You need to work on that.

Duncan, your turn.

- Good luck.

- I don't need luck.

Scarlett, play some music.

That's a nice touch.

Hey, little sexy.


Yeah, yeah, you like what you see?

Do you like that?


Wait, why were you wearing those?


"Oh, my God, it's so big."

I know.

You ever been fucked

by a British boy before?

Huh? Huh? Yeah!


Uh, Duncan, that's a little aggressive.

Not all the girls get into it that quickly.

Scarlett, look at me!

I am the captain now.

Jack, get over here!

Show Bailey a good time.


Wait. Don't you think

this is a little weird?

Jack, we're best friends, nothing is weird.

Okay, my time's up here, boys. Sorry.

Oh! Oh, God, I'm getting close.


Happy last day in America.


Did you just come?

Good morning, Glenbrook High School!

Well, I hope everyone's excited

for summer break.

I know I sure am.

Okay, make sure everyone

returns their books to the library...

Hey, guys, so this is

the ghost chili challenge.

Now, see, I put it...

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Your new video is terrible.

It only takes one video to go viral.

- F*ck!

- Oh.

And here to read this year's

final morning announcements

is the captain of the football team,

Tucker Jones.

Yo, yo, yo. What's goin' on, everyone?

Tucker Jones on the mike.

Today's lunch is meatloaf

with mashed potatoes,

and if you're a vegan

for whatever stupid reason, it's salad.

Also, I just wanna address the rumor

that's been going on about me.

Yes, I did hook up with Jaclyn Wasinowski,

and, yes, she does have herpes,

but I did not contract it.

- Tucker!

- Marsha, I'm okay, all right? Relax.

Just stick to the paper.

Marsha, calm your tits.

Also, I just wanna

remind everyone that tonight,

I am having the sickest

end-of-the-year party

celebrating my cat, Mr. Pickles,

hitting 10 million subscribers on YouTube.

Yeah. All girls welcome,

guys gotta be on my VIP list.

Okay, thank you, Tucker.

And that's how it's done, bitches.

Pussy-ass dick holes.

Did you get invited to his party?

- No, did you?

- No.

Have a great summer,

and well see y'all next fall.

Principal Raheem will see you boys now.

Sorry. Mrs. Cole said to come in.

Have a seat, boys.

I'm trying to finish something here.

Who the f*ck told me this was easy?

Uh, Principal Raheem, what are you doing?

I'm playing a virtual reality game.

It's called Shit Swipe. It's very addicting.

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Laid in America" STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 19 Apr. 2021. <>.

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