Kiss Me, Stupid Page #3

you're laughing at...

you and my wife,

and I'm going to report you

to the Dental Association!

Who is this?

This is the husband...

and you're not

kidding me for a second.

I know what you're doing to her.

I'm putting an inlay

in her lower left bicuspid.

I thought so.

Let me talk to her.

Mrs. Mulligan,

your husband on the phone.

Mrs. Mulligan?

I don't want to talk

to Mrs. Mulligan.

I want to talk

to Mrs. Spooner!

Mrs. Spooner? She isn't here.

Her appointment

isn't till next Wednesday.

Next Wednesday?

Oh! I'll give her the message

when she comes home.

You were right.

I was worrying about nothing.

She isn't even there.

You nut!

I'm a bullfight

Without a matador

I'm a heckler

Who never gets the floor

Casanova

The night he didn't score

Each time...

Why isn't she there?

Where is she?

Why was she lying to me?

Oh, for heaven's sakes, Orville.

It's Johnnie Mulligan,

of course.

His mother's at the dentist...

he's at home alone, and

she's with him!

Johnnie Mulligan? Come off it.

He ain't even shaving yet.

The milkman! He's shaving.

It must be some kind of code.

A dozen eggs... that's twelve.

They're meeting behind

the dairy at 12:
00.

Now you're running amok.

You can't go around

suspecting everybody.

Sometimes I'm not even

so sure about you.

Me?

I'm scared, Barney.

I'll tell you, I'm scared.

I'm married to

the prettiest girl in town...

and she's gonna leave me

one of these days.

I just know it.

- She will?

- Yes, she will.

And you know why?

Because you're a nobody.

Giving piano lessons

for a buck and a quarter.

Maybe once a week you play

a wedding or a funeral.

Big deal.

Why, a beautiful girl like that,

she should be spoiled.

A touch of mink,

fun in Acapulco...

breakfast at Tiffany's!

Fat chance.

Orville, all it takes

is one hit, just one hit.

"How Much is That Doggie

in the Window?"...

three million records.

"White Christmas"...

eight million records.

You think Irving Berlin's

afraid of losing his wife?

No, I guess not.

That's why you got to keep

putting those

nickels in the slot.

Because you never know when

you're gonna hit the jackpot.

Yeah. I guess so.

Well, then, let's go.

I'm a poached egg

Without a piece of toast

Yorkshire pudding

Without a beef to roast

I'm a haunted house

That hasn't got a ghost

When I'm without you

I'm a mousetrap

Hey! Hey!

I'm Vienna

Without the Viennese

I'm da Vinci

Without the Mona Lis

When I'm without you

You know, I'm beginning

to like that Mona Lis.

What did I tell you?

Aw, hold it, mister!

I'm coming.

Stay with it, will you?

What'll it be?

A shave and a haircut.

The works, baby.

Hey.

What's the matter?

You know who you are?

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