King Ralph Page #2

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Ralph Macchio.

Ralph Lauren.

Ralph Kramden.

This is extremely nice.

Better than I'm used to.

CEDRIC:

This is the picture gallery.

Many of the people in these

paintings are your relatives.

That's the duke of Warren,

your unfortunate grandfather.

You have his chin.

Hmm.

That's George III.

You may remember him.

He was king during

that temper tantrum...

you call the Revolutionary War.

Sounds like sour grapes.

We did kick your ass.

The loss is entirely yours,

or rather, theirs.

Remember that you're

an Englishman now.

RALPH:
I still think

they kicked our ass.

CEDRIC:

Just a few quick questions...

to probe your knowledge

of English history.

RALPH:
Fine.

When she failed

to give him a son,

Henry Vlll had Anne Boleyn...

Look into adoption?

Beheaded.

Jeez, this is a tough country.

Would this be to your liking?

I kind of like that.

That's an upholstery fabric,

Your Majesty.

The English people don't

generally like their monarch...

to look like a sofa.

Ah.

These are traditional

English dishes,

some of which you

will be served tonight.

Roast beef

and Yorkshire pudding...

bangers and mash...

and the ever popular

spotted dick.

Spotted dick?

Dick of what?

These are the bangers.

Sausages.

The spotted dick is a dessert.

Could I just have

some ice cream?

Quite a first day, Your Majesty.

I'll leave you to rest now.

This is Your Majesty's bedroom.

There you go, chief.

CEDRIC:
Unfortunately,

you do have the option...

to redecorate your private

quarters as you see fit.

Good. I got some ideas.

We'll put the velour industry

on full standby.

Through there is

your dining room.

Across the way, the bath.

Through here is your study.

And there is your dressing room.

Anything we've left out?

I don't know.

How about a bowling alley?

CEDRIC:
One other thing.

At your coronation

four months hence,

you will be required to wear

the imperial state crown.

It's usually kept

in the Tower of London,

but we placed it

near your bed...

as a reminder of the eminence

of your office.

It contains the Star of India,

the world's

second largest diamond.

You should practice wearing it

to get used to the weight.

-Good evening, Your Majesty.

-Thanks.

RALPH:
Hey, Ced.

CEDRIC:
Yes?

What is it that

a king does all day?

Scarcely a minute of your day

is unaccounted for.

Nevertheless, what you do

is not as important...

as what you are.

What am I?

To be the king of England...

is a responsibility

like no other on Earth.

You must become a symbol...

of all that is best

about England.

An embodiment of our history,

our culture,

our morality,

our pride of achievement.

In short, our ideal

of civilization.

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