Kill Your Friends Page #5

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Listen, David, we did well with the debut,

over 100,000.

The obvious move will be to start chasing a hit,

doing a vocal collaboration with

f***ing Jarvis Cocker or whoever,

but it could alienate his fan base,

all the drum and bass kids.

If you make a really uncompromising

original record,

you'll keep all those people,

get great press and build it organically.

F*** me. Experimental, no less?

Schneider's face.

And Rage was gakked off his f***ing tits.

I take it you counselled against

the experimental approach?

- Oh, yeah, of course.

- Oi, oi!

- Let's rock.

- Bloke says they're strong.

Yeah, so maybe we should only do half.

- Bollocks.

- F*** off.

This is the sharp end of the record industry.

Our jobs involve making fast decisions

with hundreds of thousands

even millions of pounds at stake.

These decisions are made

under the influence of drugs,

alcohol, peer pressure and fear.

The fear is constant because,

and you must understand this,

none of us have a f***ing clue

what we're doing.

Darren!

Yeah! F***ing massive!

We verbally agreed the deal, OK?

Hey! OK?

Oh, f***.

Yeah, this is Rudi. Leave a message.

Rudi, Rudi, it's Steven.

Look, we definitely want the record.

Please call me back, OK?

- Hello?

- Steven! Hey, it's Rudi.

Rudi, Rudi.

Listen, I definitely want the record.

You're a little late now, man..

Already did the deal with Tony Parker Hall.

You f***ing Nazi... F***!

Hello? Hello?

Have you actually signed the contract yet?

Well, I haven't signed the contract yet,

but we sort of have

like a verbal agreement, you know?

OK, Rudi. How much?

I mean, come on.

You know I'm a man of my word, right?

How much?

- Hundred?

- Sixty.

- Hundred.

- No, that's too much.

60,000.

All right, deal.

Trellick will call you.

We're now in scary territory.

60 grand for a one-off single means

we'll have to have a proper hit.

Number 18's no use to anyone.

This piece of sh*t will have to be top five minimum

for me to walk away with any kind of dignity.

As some of you will have heard,

Steven came back from Midem last week

where he signed the hottest dance

record of the convention.

It's blowing up in Europe and

I'm sure we're gonna have a huge hit with it here.

It's very risque, but...

Yeah, I've done a new edit with alternative lyrics.

Right, now, we're gonna

take the edit straight to radio,

moving the original mix out to all the club DJs...

Have we got some video treatments in?

Yeah, well, with the budget being quite low...

Derek loves the record.

The marketing department love the record.

The radio department love the record.

I have tooled back from Cannes

bearing the cure for cancer.

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