Kid Cannabis

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Beautiful. Isn't it?

- But listen.

- You hear it?

I hear it in my nightmares.

That's the sound of the feds,

Working their unmanned drones,

spending more money trying to shut us down

Than they did searching

for Osama Bin Laden.

42 billion spent

in the war on pot.

140 bucks from every one of you

To fight a little green herb made

by god that grows in the sun.

And god doesn't make mistakes.

Go! Go go go!

I would have personally

paid 18 million in taxes

On the almost 60 million I

made from the medicine I sold.

But they never asked,

so I never offered.

I never got the bill,

so I didn't pay.

Here's the skinny.

I was a spongy kid from the

wrong side of the lake.

A high school dropout.

The lost cause.

The invisible kid

whose name you forget

Before I even finish saying it.

But I ran a disciplined,

$68 million a year business

And employed hundreds of Wal-Mart-Shopping,

Exxon-Buying Americans.

And we'd still be

up and running,

Trying to cope with the demand,

if murder and mayhem

Hadn't entered the picture.

But hey,

You can't put the toothpaste

back in the tube, can you?

Topher moved to Idaho

from Boston when he was 15.

He took a lot of sh*t for his Boston

accent and for being full of sh*t.

But he's had my back ever since he

beat down Billy "the bull" Turrow,

Who used to give me a daily thumping

for as long as I can remember.

We had one big thing

in common. Pot.

Talking about it, smoking it,

looking for more, better, cheaper.

You know the deal.

He liked getting high

almost as much as I did,

And that is saying a lot.

You can't believe half the sh*t

that comes out of his mouth,

But Topher had game. He'd get me to do

things I would have never done on my own.

He was my best fro.

What's up, motherfuckers?

Is this a party?

If I could erase one guy from this story,

it would be Brendan butler.

He lost the plot years ago. Went to sleep

on the dirt floor of a Korean orphanage,

Woke up in a mansion

in Coeur d'Alene lake

With a silver spoon up his ass.

But no good deed

goes unpunished.

He paid his adopted

daddy warbucks back

By becoming the biggest, baddest,

loudest drug dealer in town.

Dealt his overpriced weed to

the frat pack at Gonzaga prep.

Us public school kids

got the sticks and seeds.

People talk about him being an honors

student, perfect S.A.T. Scores.

But he did some of the

stupidest sh*t I'd ever seen.

He was always talking when he

should have been listening.

Do you think people

will know what I am?

Who cares? The chicks

will have to ask, right?

Foot in the door,

dick in the whore.

Just let me do the talking.

I'll get us in.

All right.

Nate? Is that you?

Hey, Ashli with an "I."

It's me. How are you?

I'm great.

What are you?

I'm...

He's the floor of a movie theater.

Yeah. Yeah.

Funny.

Cute.

What are you?

I'm a leaf blower.

Get it?

Creative.

Original.

What are you?

French maid.

Yeah, never seen that before.

What are you supposed to be?

A cat.

Girl scout.

Do you have any cookies?

Not for you.

Okay, cool.

F*** off. Let's go.

Sweet push-Up bra.

I hate those b*tches.

F***ing skanks.

Go ahead, compliments

of Brendan butler.

Here you go.

No. Hold on. Hold up.

I'm cool with Wang.

Uh, Brendan butler, sir.

Yeah, Brendan.

Hold up.

Really?

What?

Wang?

Who the f*** thinks

they can call me Wang?

Huh? Who the f*** thinks

they can call me Wang?

These two f***ing clowns.

I'm a friend of, uh, Daniel Cox.

This isn't Daniel Cox's

f***ing party.

Yeah. He told us about it.

It's all good, right? Just...

Told you about it?

Got some bud.

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