Kicking and Screaming Page #4

He'll go away soon.

Well, how long do we have to stay down here?

Go away, cookie man.

Cookie man?

- What the hell are you doing here?

- I - I felt antsy.

I thought there was more reason for me to stay.

- It's remarkable.

- But Milwaukee and graduate school.

No. I-I'm gonna defer my admission.

I think I'll move back in with my mom for a while.

- Hello.

- Oh, look who I found.

Hi, kids.

Got you a little back-to-school gift.

Oh, great! Dictionary!

Hey. I'm gonna look up "blow job. "

- This is great, Chet. Thanks a lot.

- You're welcome.

So, did you have fun at the airport?

Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, here. I got you some magazines.

- Thanks.

- Thanks.

What would you rather do,

f*** a cow or lose your mother?

Hmm. F*** a cow.

Cow-f***er.

What would you rather do,

f***, uh, Peppermint Patty or Lucy?

- Uh, Lucy.

- Lucy-f***er.

What would you rather do,

uh, f*** a cow or a turkey?

Hmm. Wild or farm-raised?

Uh, no idea.

Just answer the question.

- Turkey.

- You know -

- Turkey-f***er.

- I regret not taking my junior year abroad.

- Skippy, don't let Friedrich bother you. Okay?

- He doesn't bother me.

- Yes, he is. He's bothering you.

- I said I wish I had taken my junior year off.

But you shouldn't even let it get to you.

He's this Eurotrash guy. I mean -

- He doesn't bother me.

- You. Uh, cow or lose your mother?

- What?

- Would you rather f*** a cow or lose your mother?

- Answer the question.

- Who's asking the question?

- Answer the question.

- Neither, thanks.

- Hmm. Doesn't like to f***.

- I don't know! A cow.

- Cow-f***er.

- Well, that's his thing.

There.

Yeah. You're right.

No, you're right.

If they hadn't called a technical on Riley,

they would've won.

Hey, uh, who won Bud Bowl II?

That is a bad habit.

You really ought to finish that in the bathroom.

What about that call with half a minute left?

Ewing was pushed.

- Yeah. You're right, Dad.

- Oh, that's good.

- Yeah. It was definitely a push.

- Hello, fellas.

- What's up?

- Yeah.

- Hey, Chet.

- Skippy.

- I know.

- What's up?

Hold on, Dad.

- What are you doing with that?

- I packed it by accident.

- Did you see all the people moving in?

- Oh, how are the freshmen biddies?

Deadly. Best since two years ago.

Hmm. Yeah, well...

I've been doing a little research.

Now, we all know how old Mozart was

when he did all that.

Like, one.

And Keats. Big poet, Keats.

Keats was dead by 24.

And Tracy Austin -

When she started playing, she was tiny.

Mmm.

I'd like to 15-love with her,

if you know what I mean. Ace her deuce.

I'd like to f*** her on the tennis court,

if you get my meaning.

Yeah.

Are you wearing mascara?

No.

Yes.

Let's hit the Penguin.

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