Kicking & Screaming Page #5

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A little early to start

playing favorites, Phil.

Okay, guys,

let's take the field.

Get up, Dad.

Nice fall.

Hold up!

Love it, yeah!

Grab a ball!

Here we go. Fan out.

Form a circle here.

Great. Okay, now,

I don't know,

it may just be me,

but, uh, I really got a

feeling like we could catch fire

and have a great season. Huh?

Now, who's with me?

It's electric in the air!

Yeah!

Thank you for that show

of enthusiasm.

Uh, well, I... I thought we would

just start, uh, today by going around,

introducing yourselves,

and telling me

your... your strengths

on the soccer field.

All right.

Start with you.

Hey, I'm Hunter.

Hey, Hunter. I'm Phil.

Hi, Phil. Uh, I-I'll

eat this worm for $5.

How would that help us?

I'd have an extra $5?

No, you're not going to

eat that, are you?

Ugh!

Did you just eat that?

Yeah, I ate it.

Now you owe me $5.

I didn't agree to pay you $5.

Forget it.

Pass it to someone else.

I'm Byong Sun.

Hi, Byong Sun.

I am a very kind person.

Oh, that's sweet.

That's very sweet.

Anything that relates

to soccer?

No, sir.

You know, maybe you and

Ambrose could... could team up.

He's big. You... You might

form one mega-person.

Okay, forget that

I just said that.

Uh, pass it

to... to someone else.

I'm Mark Avery.

You know, I like to keep

my pimp hands strong.

You dig, cracker?

You feel me?

W- What does that mean?

I really don't know.

I heard it

on a rap video once.

Oh.

But, I'm, like, really funny.

I got like a million jokes.

Great. Okay, yeah.

I'd love to hear one. Shoot.

Remember when

you called us out

onto the field

and you fell over?

Right. Yeah?

Man! I got you good!

Somebody call the burn unit.

I got you bad!

How did I get burned?

Apparently,

I don't get it, okay.

Doesn't matter.

Uh, you know what?

Let's just do some drills.

Now, this one,

all the great players have

done at one time or another.

It's called "the snake. "

Player in the back

dribbles the ball

in a weaving fashion

around the player

and stops 3 feet

from the first player.

Hey!

Okay, that's not the snake.

Uh...

Honey,

it was your first practice.

It'll get better.

No, it's gonna get worse.

You need to give it

some time, Phil.

No. I already know.

It was awful.

The kids were

just running around.

They weren't

listening to me.

They were like

And I don't even know

what a whirling dervish is,

but that's... that's what

they were like.

You know why?

'Cause I'm not a coach.

Okay? I don't know

what I'm doing.

My dad. He's a coach.

He knows the game.

He's confident, he's smart,

witty, dynamic,

vicious, brutal, vindictive.

A monster.

And he will win

through intimidation

and forceful tactics

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