Kick-Ass 2 Page #4

Whoa, whoa!

Pedophile freak.

It's not like that.

Then what is it like?

Please, tell me.

I can't. It's to do with the

Kick-Ass thing.

I've got a secret for you.

You remember Malik?

Dude who volunteers

at your needle exchange?

His baton is so much

bigger than Kick-Ass'.

No.

Yeah.

And by "baton,"

I mean penis.

Yeah, I got that. Thanks.

Fifteen gets

you 20, pervert.

A freshman, Dave?

You old, salty dog.

What's the problem? Grass on

the field, play ball. Right?

No, Todd.

Chris,

your tutor's here.

Chris!

Chris, your...

Holy sh*t.

What the hell is that?

My destiny.

Chris, just because your mom liked

to get a little freaky now.

I know what my role

is in this, Javier.

My dad was a crime boss,

so it just makes sense.

I'm a supervillain.

It's evolution.

Come on, come on.

Just put those things down

before you hurt somebody, Chris.

That's not my name.

Okay, okay.

Uh, Red Mist...

Red Mist was

my superhero name.

Henceforth

I'll be known as

The Motherf***er.

DAVE'. After Mindy quit,

I decided to stop hitting the heavy

bag and start hitting the streets.

Hey, Kick-Ass,

welcome back!

Yeah!

Whoo!

You're the best, man!

Only problem,

I was still on my own.

So I went online and found

a physics professor

calling himself

"Dr. Gravity. "

Sure, he wasn't Hit Girl,

but I had to start somewhere.

This is the zero G device

that I invented.

Can levitate

any object up to a ton.

For real?

Hell, no, man. This is a

baseball bat wrapped in tinfoil.

But it fooled you.

Hey, could I get a Diet

Mountain Dew, please?

I'm not even

a physics professor.

Just a copywriter

for an ad agency.

But that's why

I love this stuff.

You can be

anyone you want!

You done many

team-ups before?

Kind of. Yeah.

No, not really.

I was getting kinda nervous about

being on my own, you know?

Yeah, me, too. I never

even been in a fight.

Well, hopefully

you won't have to.

I friended a guy talking about forming

a team, if you're interested.

I don't know

how serious he is,

but his picture

was pretty hard core.

Are you kidding me?

That's why I contacted you.

I didn't wanna freak you out

by bringing it up too soon.

I'll show you his profile

after I hit the men's room.

Your Uncle Ralph's not

gonna be happy about this, Chris.

That's not my name.

I'm not calling

you that, forget it.

Javier, you worked

for my dad.

Then you worked for my mom.

Now you work for me.

I'm probably the richest kid

in New York City.

But if you

don't like that,

find yourself another

motherfucking job, okay?

Yo, Kick-Ass!

Man,

am I glad to see you.

Is there anything

I can do to help, sir?

Yeah. I was hoping you can help

me get a million hits on YouTube.

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