Kevin Hart: What Now? Page #5

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It's safe to say that.

I think it's only right

that I show Philadelphia

that love back.

Can I see

Philadelphia behind me?

Can I do that, please?

Can I see my city

behind me?

We about to have

a good time tonight.

We love you, Kevin!

The name of

this show is called

What Now?, people.

The reason why I decided

to call it What Now?,

is because that's the question

that I get the most.

"Kevin, what the f***

are you gonna do now?"

I love that question

because I always

have an answer for it.

I'm alive.

I'm still experiencing sh*t,

which still means I have stuff

to talk about.

For example,

people, I'm engaged.

I'm about to get

married again soon.

Okay?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Yes.

I told my lady, I said,

before we get married,

we gotta move.

I did tell her that.

It's not that I

don't like where we live.

I just don't like the area.

It's not the house,

it's the area.

See, I don't

wanna be in Hollywood,

staring at all

the Hollywood sh*t.

So I moved out

to the suburbs.

F***ed around, moved

around a bunch of wildlife.

I don't like the animals

around my house.

This is real sh*t right now.

Right now, I have

a raccoon problem, people.

Not raccoons.

A raccoon. One raccoon.

This raccoon's a b*tch.

I can't stand this raccoon.

I got glass doors

in the back of

my house, right?

I'm sitting in

the living room,

I can see into my backyard

through the glass doors.

Outta nowhere,

a raccoon walks up

to the glass doors.

But not like a raccoon should,

not on all fours.

Raccoon's on two feet.

Motherf***er walked up

to the doors like this,

swear to God.

This is real sh*t.

Scared the sh*t outta me.

It looked like a Nigga

was walking in my backyard.

That's what it looked like.

I saw him,

I said, "Oh, sh*t!

"Look at that goddamn

raccoon right there!"

He saw me, I see him,

we're looking at each other.

This is what scared

the sh*t outta me.

To get a better look

in my house,

he put his hand

on the glass,

and started

looking in the window.

I see him, he see me.

He starts f***ing

with the locks.

(GRUNTING)

When he couldn't

get in, he got mad.

He fake shot at me twice.

Bang, bang!

Then he grabbed his dick,

disappeared into the dark.

This is a true story.

You gotta understand, people,

I don't like raccoons.

I can't stand raccoons

because I don't like

the way they look.

They look like criminals.

They got a black mask, gloves.

Everything about

a raccoon says crime.

My lady gets home, I said,

"Babe, we gotta get

the f*** out this house.

"A raccoon came up

to the glass doors,

"put his hand on the glass,

saw me, shot at me twice.

"Bang, bang!

"Then he grabs his dick,

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