Just One of the Guys Page #2

Listen, everything's gonna be

all right.

How'd this get in here?

- Why do you always tie double knots?

- Kevin, please, forget the knot.

What I need is a little sympathy.

I had my heart set

on that summer job.

Terry.

I know exactly how you feel.

Can I tell you a little story?

When I was a kid,

I was obsessed with being a fireman.

I used to set little fires in the back

yard, and I'd practice putting them out.

Then one day...

...when I was 12,

I learned I could never be a fireman.

Why, what happened?

I found out how much money

they make. Pitiful.

Don't you understand

that I don't care what reporters make?

I can't remember a time when there

was anything else I wanted to do.

And it's discouraging when Raymaker

tells me that I should become a model.

Hey, why not?

You're a knockout.

Besides, models make

some pretty nice bucks.

You don't think I can do it either.

Well, no, that's not exactly

what I said, exactly.

Yeah, well, it was close enough.

You know, it's lucky for you

I'm in love with you, I think...

...or I'd probably never

speak to you again.

I'd like to be alone, please.

Now? Can't you be alone

when your parents are home?

Since you haven't listened

to one word I've said...

...why don't you try reading my lips.

Goodbye, Kevin.

Would you rather spend the night

at the frat house?

- All men care about is sex!

- I resent that.

Big improvement, huh?

The room needed something.

Your room is why my life

is totally screwed up.

You guys think beautiful women are

nothing but decoration, total airheads.

Hey, not me.

These women

have my deepest respect.

For showing their b*obs?

And for their minds.

It just so happens that Kim here

reads Vonnegut in her bubble bath.

And Luanne has dedicated

her centerfold...

...to help clean up toxic waste.

And the only reason Barbara does

her physics homework buck-naked...

...is because that library's hot.

Come on, Buddy, admit it...

...you would love to spend your entire

life just using women's bodies.

Yeah, all but the last 60 seconds.

I'd like a little time to reminisce.

Can't you think of anything

more profound than getting laid?

A blowj*b?

- Hey, I'm sorry.

- This is the perfect end to my day.

I mean, it's as if women's lib

never existed.

Today's woman has the freedom to be

just as sick and perverted as us guys.

Oh, that's wonderful.

I mean, I write an excellent article,

and just because I'm cute...

...no one takes me seriously.

It's not fair!

And yet, somehow

you find the courage to go on living.

You got guts.

Sometimes I just wish I were a guy.

No, you don't.

The male body needs sex at all times.

It's a living hell.

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